THE END OF A DAY [Jonghyun]

수고했어요 종현아

It took a lot of courage to write about this.. it was late..
[written on 19/12/17]
종현아.. when i heard about that news, my whole world turned dark. It's going to be 7 years of loving you, listening to your song, laughing at your jokes and silly stuff you do. Why did you go so fast, jonghyun-ah ? I didn't even get to meet you even once in my life. It's one of my dream to meet you. Now, i can only look at the past photos of you. I'm not ready to face all of this.
종현아.. there were many times you helped me. When i'm feeling down snd when the demon inside me whispering to me that i'm all alone and no one going to understand me, hearing your song is enough to heal myself a bit.
Last night, I woke up from my sleep several time and checking my phone. How i wish all of this is just my nightmare. But it's not. It's a reality. When i wake up in the morning, I can't stop my tears from falling once again. Today, i put up your solo albums and a dolls of you into a box. I'm putting them away not because i'm going to forget you. It's just, i'm giving myself a time to accept the reality. Jonghyun-ah, i promise i will be a better person. You and SHINee were with me when i was growing up. From kid to teenager. Now i'm going to to my adult years, and you're not there.
Last night, i hug that doll of you so tight. He was with me till the morning come. I'm not ready to let you go.
You're a really amazing person. You inspired others, you helped others.
It must be very hard for you isn't ?
Maybe someday, i will be able to let you go.

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For you guys in my real life who never understand me, i would look pathetic in your eyes.But when i'm at edge,you guys are nowhere to be found. And his music was there,it gives me light,it gives me hope."I too someday, will get through this just like him" ."I should never give up, so that i could meet him someday". "I can't wait to get older, so that i could go to his concert". "He was so broken inside, but he still smiling cheerfully for us to not worried,he's still helping peoples around him.I should be like that too"."He's crying so much, just how bad does he feels inside his heart.I wish i know how he really feels" ."Jonghyun is smilling cutely, it makes me feels good inside". "He's such a good son for his mother,i should treat my mom well too".That was how i usually feels about him.How bad must he feels all this years when he was surrounded by loneliness feels, when the demons inside him makes things harder for him.Jonghyun-ah,i hope there will be many times where you being a part of shinee and get to see us from the stage, knowing you have fans from all over the world, that makes you truly happy.Jonghyun-ah, 7 years of knowing you, all that you bring to me is happiness and inspiration. I promise i will be a better person.I promise someday i will able to listen to your song again with a smile and proudness.Thank you.And even if i get another chance,i'll still choose to be your fan. I will remember you forever my dino puppy jjongie.

미안해.. 고마워.. 그리고 사랑해..