Day by day, it's getting harder. Everything is falling apart. I can't handle walking down full halls and feeling like every one is staring at me.
Whispering, "Freak." "Whore." "Slut." "Bitch." "Ugly." "Emo." "Cutter." "Attention seeker." "I hope you die you worthless bitch." "She's such a self centered attention seeker. I mean really, people only cut to get attention." "Kill yourself."
I knew what I had to do. Everything will be okay if I just do it. I'll be with him. I'll be with him. He will keep me safe. My best friend will keep me safe.
I miss him so much. Why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave? You knew I needed you! Oh well, its okay. I'll be seeing you soon.
These people will get what they want.
"Mrs. Quinn?"
I hope their happy.
"Mrs. Quinn, will you please pay attention?"
I sigh, close my notebook and look at the balding teacher.
"Are you going to pay attention or am I going to have to give you detention?"
I bow my head and let my straight brown bangs cover my face to hide from the hate filled stares of my peers.
"Sorry." I say barely above a whisper.
He turns and resumes his lecture.
I feel something hit my shoulder and land on my desk.
It's a piece of paper.
I pick it up and read it even though I know whats going to be on the inside.
"Silly little emo bitch. Die. :)"
I hear snickering from behind me.
I feel my face heat up with words left unsaid. I decide to finally stand up for myself.
I rip a little piece of paper out of my notebook and write, "Look, I don't appreciate what you say to me, so shut your stupid foolish little mouth before someone shoves their boot down it. Thanks. :)"
I crumple it up and throw it blindly behind me. I hear a gasp, and then a few seconds later I feel something hit the back of my head and land on the floor. I bend down to pick it up and read it.
"Oh no, is the little bitch standing up for herself? Oh, i'm so scared! Not."
I write back quickly.
"Just shut your mouth before I have to do something rash."
"Wow, what nerve. Kill yourself you emo little self centered whore."
I can feel my face heat up further. With angry tears about to spill, I shove my notebook into my bag, get up, and run out of the classroom and down the hall way.
I can hear my teacher yelling after me but I don't stop.
I don't stop until I can hear the leaves crunching under my boots.
My feet leading the way into the woods behind my school.
I find my tree and climb it. Its an old tree with many thick branches and leaves. Its good cover from anyone who comes looking for me, 360 degree cover.
We had been coming here since we were 10. He had found it while we were playing cowboys and indians in the woods. Since then, it had always been our spot.
At least, until he died two years later.
After that, if anyone wanted to find me they would come to this tree first.
I would always be here. Hiding in the tree. Just sitting and looking at the sky. Sometimes, when things at home were bad, I would even sleep here at night.
I begin to cry softly as I remember my best friend and all the fun we used to have. How he made me feel safe. How he protected me..
We were only 12..
Why would a 12 year old boy want to die?
Why would a 12 year old boy kill himself?
Why?
You were my best friend.
You were only 12.
It's okay now though.
I'll be seeing you soon.
