The Boy I Hate

Twenty Two.

I sat on my kitchen counter with my legs uncrossed; a position that would surly get me in trouble had my mother been home, but she wasn't. Richard was... leaning against the wall across the room from me. It was unfamiliar for us; to be alone together, but keep our distance. We'd mastered it within the last few weeks, but I remembered years of never taking my hands off him.

Things were different now. In what way? I didn't know. I could only feel it. The magnetism between us was gone. I didn't crave his touch or his smile. He was an obligation, even though that felt rude to admit to myself.

Still, I had such vivid memories of how it was before I got involved in the prank war. How perfect we were together. A power couple, even. I hadn't let him touch me in weeks but I could still feel his fingerprints. He was engrained on me somehow. Years of togetherness sat between us, no matter if we were physically distant. After all, before we'd made each other sad, we'd made each other happy - For a long time. I yearned to get that back.

"One more chance?" His voice was groggy, probably as I had asked him to come so early in the morning. It was the only time I knew no one would be home.

"One more," I answered firmly. If I were going to make him believe I would truly leave him I had to make myself believe it to. That proved more difficult than I thought. Not being Richard White's girlfriend was an unimaginable thought. I continued, "one more mistake and I'm gone."

He stumbled marginally closer to me, flustered, and maybe even angry. "So what? I show up late for dinner and you break off our two year relationship?"

"No, not like th-"

"I'm not perfect, Babe."

"Let me finish!" I crossed the room to be near him, looking him directly in the eye as if it could make my point more clear. For perhaps the first time I didn't feel small next to him. I had power. "Little things are fine, okay? I'm not going to smite you if you forget to say thank you sometimes."

His eyes grew sad, "but?"

"If you prioritize the prank war over me again, I don't know how I could stay with you."

He aggressively ran his hands over his flushed face, almost as if he was trying not to hit himself. He tugged on his hair in a way that looked painful. "I haven't," he choked. "I haven't been prioritizing the prank war."

"Really?" I quirked an eyebrow, "because you've left me tied up in a basement, shot me with a paintball gun, and lied to me for nearly half my life about how you forced Charlie out of our lives. Explain to me how that makes me your number one priority."

He cupped my face, as he always did when I was mad at him. Usually I was putty to his touch, but today I needed to hold my ground. "Babe," he whispered horsely. "You know you're the most important thing to me."

I swatted his hands away, "do I?"

If he couldn't cup my face he would grip my waist, trying to maintain contact however he could. "I tell you all the time-"

"It's time for you to prove it."

He took a deep breath, and started nodding continuously. When he went to cup my face again this time I let him. "Okay," he pressed his forehead to mine, "can I kiss you?"

He'd never asked before. I didn't know whether to take that as a good sign. After all, my issues with him never stemmed from feeling violated by him. I considered declining; I didn't actually feel compelled to lock lips with him in that moment. I nodded, though. We were getting back together, and if I didn't let him kiss me it would be like we weren't.

So his lips fluttered against mine, much softer than usual, but that delicacy didn't last long before he was unbuttoning my blouse and laying me out on my own counter. It was the type of excited passion I used to live for but now felt so empty. I longed to feel my heart stutter like it used to.

I let him take me all the way. Richard was good at what he did, and he knew how to do it. We'd been with each other for so long that he knew exactly how to make my body react and precisely what would distract my mind. It was pleasure on the surface. I just couldn't help but wonder why I felt nothing from within.