Valkyrie (Complete)

7: Almost Home

The journey home takes two more days. It's mostly silent as they travel, with small chatter between Eira and Kaj and occasionally Phoenix, but Valkyrie says nothing. She walks a bit ahead of the rest of her group, setting a fast pace for them to keep up with. She listens to when they say they need to rest, but she pushes them to get home.

Finally, they can't take it anymore. They sit around a fire on the border of the two lands, finally feeling some measure of peace at the thought of being almost home. The sun had set a long time ago, yet they were still all awake. They looked back and forth between each other as Valkyrie stares blankly into the fire. She has on a mask of indifference, a cool look that unnerves all of them and has them wondering what could have possibly gotten into her head to make her act this way.

"Val?" Eira says quietly. Her head snaps up, looking at her teammate in question. "Are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you sure? You've been acting a little off these past few days." Concern is written on their faces and Valkyrie suddenly can't stand the look.

"I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about."

Phoenix moves so he's sitting beside her. She can feel heat radiating from his body, but unlike before, it doesn't bring her any comfort. Instead, all she wants is to get away. She wants to be alone, but she can't leave without her team. They're the closest thing she has left to family and she refuses to go without them.

"I know something is wrong," he murmurs to her. "Whenever you're ready, you can talk to me about it." She nods and he scoots away again.

She stands up and runs her fingers through her hair. Her braids had come loose during the fight nearly two days ago and she hasn't had the chance to redo them. Her hair falls to her waist in dark strands and she cannot wait for the opportunity to bathe when they get home. She's filthy dirty and her hair is knotted and caked with mud and leaves.

She walks away from the camp. She can feel their eyes on her, but she doesn't care at the moment. She needs a few moments to collect herself if she wants to tell them what the matter is, because she won't let herself cry in front of them. She has always been their fearless leader, even though technically she isn't the leader. They've never had one, yet they've always followed her as if she was.

She paces back and forth for a while before walking back. Eira smiles when she sits down and then walks over, combing Valkyrie's hair with her fingers. When it's mostly tangle-free, she begins braiding it into a tight, high ponytail.

"It was the soldier's face," she says. The three others listen intently, knowing that this is what has been bothering her. "I don't know what came over me; all I know is that I was furious. Something in me snapped when I saw him holding Eira down. He looked like a monster, something to be truly frightened of, and I was so mad. I wanted to frighten him as much as he scared her, and I-" she cuts herself off as she feels tears make her voice thick. She clears her throat before continuing, "I never thought I would be capable of something like that. I've always known that death was a part of battle and that wars happened and sometimes lots of people died, and that part never bothered me. It seemed to me like it was kill or be killed and so I always fought in defense of myself and those I care about." She runs a hand over her face, stopping any potential tears from falling. "But then, with that soldier, I wanted him to die. I wanted to kill him, I wanted him to suffer, and I don't know where that came from. I've never felt that before, and it was awful. I'm afraid that it's who I am and that it's only the beginning. His face- he just looked so scared, and that made me realize that I was the monster, not him. I wasn't just killing him, I was torturing him first with wounds that would hurt but wouldn't kill him right away." She pulls her knees to her chest as Eira finishes her braids and ties the ponytail up. "I don't want it to happen again." She looks at her teammates, whose faces are shocked. "What if that's who I truly am?"

Eira leans down beside her and gives her a hug. "I don't know what that feeling was, but I do know two things. One: that soldier would have killed me if you hadn't stopped him, so I owe you my life. Two: that isn't who you are. You are caring and sweet and strong and anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know you very well."

Valkyrie manages a smile, the soldier's face still haunting her. "Thanks, Eira."

The boys don't say anything. Everything they would have said was already said by Eira, so there's no need. But as Valkyrie pulls her knees tighter to her chest, she wishes they would say something. She knows it's silly, but the words of encouragement and trust are what allows her to keep going.

She notices that the others look tired. "Go to sleep," she tells them. "I'll take first watch. We can rest a bit longer since we're almost home."

They all seem to sag in relief, with Kaj and Eira practically falling over where they sit and falling asleep on the spot. Phoenix comes to sit beside her and wraps an arm around her shoulders. "You know that it wasn't your fault, right?"

"It was, though. If I had noticed them sooner or been paying better attention, the whole situation could have been avoided. Eira wouldn't almost have died and that-"

He cuts her off by putting his hand over her mouth. "You saved Eira's life, and then probably all of ours when you blew everyone off their feet. I don't know how you do that, but it's effective." He winks and she realizes that he's teasing her. "But seriously, I understand why you feel that way, but it wasn't you. It was the battle that made you feel that way. Better yet, you stopped it before you let it control you. You didn't kill the soldier and you didn't give him any injuries that could kill him before he could get home. It was just a battle." He wraps his arms around her shaking frame and moves so he's sitting just off to the side of her. His arms tighten and she buries her face into the crook of his neck. He feels tears against his skin, and it's all he can do to control himself.

Valkyrie is strong. She doesn't cry, doesn't let anyone under her skin, doesn't let anything stand in her way. She's their unofficial leader and they all trust her more than they could put into words. She's never lost a battle, whether it's a real-life fight or a dual between comrades, and while that still hasn't changed, she has. She's doubting herself and crying and shaking in his arms. This isn't her, this isn't his warrior, and he would do just about anything to get her back.

She cries until she's exhausted, and even then tears run in a steady stream down her cheeks. Salt is crusted around her eyes and salty tracks run to her chin. Her eyes are burning and tired and eventually, she drifts off to sleep. Phoenix's arms are still wrapped tightly around her as her moves her so she's curled up in his lap like a small child. It's more comfortable for both of them than having her lean against him while he leans against a tree, and it offers her the support she needs so urgently right now.

He watches over his three teammates dutifully as they sleep, and he can't help but notice how much more peaceful it is knowing that they're almost home. He's excited to see his family, as are the others, but he knows it will be difficult for Valkyrie. Not only are both her parents gone, but she saw her father murdered in town. He sighs, not knowing what to do. He wants to make this as easy for her as possible, but he doesn't know how.

Before he knows it, the sun has begun to rise and it's time to wake the others. He shakes them all awake and they begin the last leg of their journey home.

{in honor of legally becoming an adult today, I'm publishing another chapter! Enjoy :) }