Devotion (Carter Reynolds)

Chapter 12

......Carter has cancer.

 I pick myself up off of the floor.

Still in shock from what happend, I can't believe he never told me. 

Thoughts are running over my head, I just keep thinking what if he dosent make it? How long has he had cancer? Questions that I can't ask. 

"Ashley?" Carter asks.

I can't actually answer him due to tears, but I nod my head in responce.

"It's gonna be ok, I pro-" he starts but I interupt.

"No, you don't know that, I've been told that my whole life but somewhere along the line everything gets screwed up ."I say still choking back tears.

"Ashley! stop please im not going anywhere, Im strong and i'll get through this but just don't leave me. Motivate me." He says wiping my tears away. 

"I promise." As I leaned over and kissed him.

Carters POV

I tried to seem stronger and more sure of myself than what I was. I know she's been through a lot and I dont want to add on to that.

Reasons why I didn't tell her, but I guess she was going to find out sometime.

 Luckily the doctor said im good enough to go home.

Im really suppose to get radiation but I'd rather live my life to the fullest than be too sickly to even get out of bed.

I take each day as it is and just go with the flow.

Ashley drove me home, thankfully she still stayed at my house for the night,

"Carter?" She asked as I snuggled up to her.

"um yeah?" I answered a little too quickly

"Do you ever get scared about yenno your condition" I was scared she would ask that.

"well I mean no I don't really care" I said trying to brush off her question.

"C'mon Carter drop the big boy act, Were all afriad of something. It's okay. " She said comforting my actual fears

But it really wasen't even about the rare form of cancer that I have, I wasent going to let that change my life and consume how I live.

But what im really afraid of is loosing this feeling when im with her. When im with her, when she cuddles with me, her touch, her laugh, loosing momments like this one.

"Carter hello, what are you afraid of then" I snap back into reality 

" you"I say.

"What about me?" She asks confused

"Loosing you" I said as a tear rolled down the side of my cheek but I wiped it away because I hate crying infront of anyone.

"Carter look at me " She says stern, I really don't want to look at her I can't hide my tears for long

"your not gonna loose me okay?!" She says with tears in her eyes

"Your never loosing me " as I hold her I feel her tears go into my shirt.

I hate this.