Never Alone

Chapter one

Every night I would say my prayers to an image of an angel. I didn't know any better; I would just follow what I was taught, but I stopped doing that when I turned 6 or 7. I would also pray to God and talk to Him at night. I would be lying if I say I would talk to Him every single night, but I would talk to Him often. Since I had grown up catholic, I went to catechism at the age of seven. With all honesty I didn't learn much. I learned the prayers, but didn't actually learn about God. For some reason, saints and Mary never grew on me either. I never prayed to them. I never thought anything of them. Nothing negative nothing positive. God was the one I would focus on.

Because of antagonistic situations that would happen in my life, at the age of 6 I would think about suicide. It wasn't often; it was only at times when bad things would happen. My suicidal thoughts and attempts didn't start increasing till my teenage years. I saw many things a child shouldn't see at that age. I had a very bad relationship with my mom. I would feel rejected at school and my grandpa was a drunk that would mentally exhaust us. Since I knew suicide would send me to Hell, I would beg God to take my life Himself. Some nights I would cry myself to sleep and just beg Him, but would wake up disappointed the next day to still be alive.

Spiritual wars were starting to develop; it wasn't strong because I was still young, but it was there. It wasn't often but I would see shadows passing by at the corner of my eyes and hear people whispering my name. It would only happen once a while. My Mami (grandma) would say it was my imagination and that it was normal for that to happen, or she would say "it was probably a bird passing by", now that I'm older I came to realize that her reasoning was irrelevant.

Every year it started to get worse. By the age of nine I began to hear a little girl crying at night. She would sound like she was in real pain. At first, I thought it was an actual girl outside. Till one night I told my grandma "Mami, why is that girl always crying outside?" Mami would get a bit creeped out, but would say it was just my imagination or maybe just had very good hearing. My dreams were becoming weird. I would dream dead people I had never met or seen in my life. When I would tell my grandparents, they would freak out because it was people they used to know. I would often have nightmares too. These situations wouldn't last a long time though; it would stop for a while then come back.

Those were my Elementary years. My middle school years were different but I was older and started gaining more understanding. In sixth grade I received a Spanish book from my mom that had the bible stories for kids. I read almost all of it because it was just very interesting. I loved hearing about God and all the stories. My mind and spirit were hungry for His word. However, when I got to the part of Jesus I stopped. There was just something I couldn't find interesting about Him. Something would stop me from learning about Him. It's not that I disliked Jesus; I just didn't really care about Him at all.

Later that year, paranormal stuff started happening around the house. Someone would knock at the door almost every day. We had dogs that wouldn't let people get inside our yard, and we doubt dogs could knock that way. At first we would think it was maybe the wind or maybe it really was the dogs, but it kept happening way too often. Mami (grandma) started to get worried so she put this dry palm trees that were in the shape of a cross in the front and back door; the father at her church gave them to her. Surprisingly, the knocking actually stopped. However, problems at home didn't.

My real mom was fighting her own battles and fighting her own demons. After she got fed up with how she was living life, she decided to get close to God. Around the time I was in middle school, she became a Christian. My mom had changed a lot. She wouldn't go out to party anymore, she wouldn't drink, and she wasn't the same angry person as before. A completely, different woman that brought light to the house. Even Mami started going to church, and stopped smoking. The relationship between my mom and Mami had become better. There was no screaming at the house. Everything at home was better and it made me feel better. Unfortunately, it wasn't long till my mom decided to go back to the world...

Even though we were not going to church, I kept praying and talking to God.