Perfection IS Skinny!! {L.T} [Larry Stylinson]

.CHAPTER ELEVEN.

// The song quoted in this chapter is: 'Don't deserve you, by Plumb.' //

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Harry was woken by the sound of knocking at the door, "Yes?" He called, realising that he was currently at Niall's place, the events of the night before coming back to him.

"It's morning," Niall spoke, entering the bedroom and standing just inside the door. "I was just wondering, are you ready to go home?"

Harry knew that he had to go back, but was he ready? What would he find when he did return?

"No rush Haz," Niall continued, "but, Zayn rang me wondering if I knew where you were. Apparently Louis rang him pretty upset in the early hours of the morning."

Harry felt guilty, he had just wanted to clear his head, he had not wanted to cause Louis any further stress. "Yeah," He said, sitting upright, and starting to get out of bed, "It's time to go home."

Niall and Harry embarked on the short drive, the only sounds being the engine of Niall's car, and the soft hum of the radio. Harry was still feeling guilty, he was so worried about what state he would find his boy in, and he was feeling bad about leaving him in the first place.

When they arrived back at his house, Harry vacated the vehicle, thanking Niall for his hospitality. Approaching the front door, and turning the lock, [discovering that it had indeed been left unlocked for him.] he entered, taking a deep breath inwards and exhaling slowly.

Looking around and seeing that the house was still in order, and relatively tidy, he allowed himself to relax a little. Harry headed upstairs, and in the direction of his and Louis' bedroom. Arriving in the doorway, he lent against it, taking in all that was his Louis. He was sleeping in the middle of their shared bed, Harry's pillow held closely to his chest, his face buried in it, breathing in his scent.

After Louis' tears had dried up, his throat growing painfully sore - from both the retching, and the smoking - it had been the only way that he had been able to fall asleep. Feeling a warm presence lie down beside him, he shifted slightly. Opening his eyes, seeing that Harry had returned, he smiled, "Hi."

"Oops." Harry smiled back, wrapping his arms around Louis and pulling him in close, "I'm sorry about last night."

"Me too," Louis agreed, yawning sleepily. "I don't want to break up. I love you." He whispered, burying his face into Harry's chest, and kissing his ribs through his shirt.

Harry kissed him on the top of his head, rubbing at his back, "I love you too," He said. Seeing what he had done to Louis was making him feel even worse about leaving, "I shouldn't have left you."

Lifting his head from Harry's chest, Louis met his eyes, "It's okay," He smiled, "you came back."

Harry brought his head forward, kissing him with a sense of neediness, "Yeah." He grinned as Louis rolled away from him, lying on his back.

"I'm going to go shower," Louis announced, getting out of bed, heading towards the bathroom. As he reached the doorway, he turned, looking back towards Harry, "You coming?" Harry scrambled quickly from the bed, eagerly following him.

The next week the boys of One Direction resumed their tour, and Louis fell straight back into his routine of trying to be somebody else, of trying to be perfect. He jumped about, and interacted well on stage, and he tried his hardest to hit all his notes perfectly, getting frustrated at himself when he missed even slightly.

Most nights, he would go to sleep beside Harry, and on the nights that he was not able to? Well he would lie awake, scrolling through his phone, looking for comments about himself. Reading what he did, it gave him the validation that he needed in hating himself, in thinking himself at fat; it gave him what he needed to continue trying to be better. "Louis looks pregnant..." he read, looking at the picture attached to the comment, it making him blush. He did in fact have a little pot belly in the photo.

Lifting up his shirt, Louis scrutinized his stomach. 'I should be skinnier by now.' He thought, obviously he had not been working hard enough. If he was to be honest with himself, he felt as if he should have made a lot more progress in the weight department.

Pinching at his hips, Louis felt the sting of tears in his eyes. If there was something to pinch to begin with, then simply put, he was just not trying hard enough. Squeezing his nails into his skin harder, Louis closed his eyes, 'Why can't it all just go away?' He asked himself.

Since all the stuff with Harry, Louis had been trying not to let things get to him so much, but his attempts always seemed to prove futile. For example: currently as he lay in his bed, on the tour bus, all he could think about was the imprint of his own horrible image in his mind, and all he really wanted to do was go and leave it behind in the toilet. But being in such close proximity to the other boys, it was not really something he was willing to risk. Shoving his fingers down his throat on the tour bus, well that was bound to be a sure fire way to get caught.

Instead, he located his headphones, putting them into his phone. Going to his music, he found the playlist that was labelled as 'mine', and allowed himself to get lost in the songs that seemed to mimic his own feelings so well. "Your heart is gold, and how am I the one you've chosen to love?" Being the last words going through his head, before he fell asleep, thinking about his love.

Louis' life continued on in this manner for a while, him baring his heart out on stage for the fans, followed by him putting on a front for Harry, and the other boys. A front that was punctuated, only by private moments in the shower, where he would try his best to shed his insides, in an attempt to lighten the load, and occasionally the lonely nights that he would scroll through his phone, finding the inspiration that he needed to keep going.

It was during their down time, after the band had ended their first tour, now seven months since the whole thing had started, that Louis found himself wanting to stop, not wanting to make himself sick anymore.

'Louis needs to go on a diet.' The words ran through his head, from his position over the toilet, 'Tomlinson needs to lose some weight.' He stabbed his fingers down his throat. As he gagged, the words screaming for attention inside of Louis' mind momentarily disappeared.

Gagging again, he rid himself of the images. Inhaling deeply, Louis went in for a third time. He needed to leave behind his insecurities, and feelings of not being good enough, they needed to go down the toilet with everything else.

When he was finished, he let himself crash down onto the bathroom floor, his breathing labored and his body trembling all over. Closing his eyes tightly, Louis coughed, springing back into a sitting position immediately as a metallic taste materialized inside of his mouth. Peering inside of the toilet bowl - at the mess he was still yet to flush - he felt his head begin to swim, mixed with his vomit was streaks of fresh red blood. 'Crap.' He thought, glad that Harry had gone out for the night.

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A/N:- To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but it keeps the story in the direction that it needs to go in.

Thank you again for those that are reading this story, vote and comment, let me know what you think, :-).