Chapter 31

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Chapter 31

"I know you don't believe it,
But I said it and I still mean it,
When you heard what I told you,
When you get worried I'll be your soldier." - Soldier - Gavin Degraw

It's been a week since graduation and I am already soaking up as much sun as I possibly can. This summer is my last "free" summer. Who knows what my future summers hold, but I'm sure they will be filled with college classes and then eventually I'll be working. I decided to only work part time at the cafe this summer so I can enjoy these next few months as much as I can.

This week I've taken time for myself and to reflect on things that occurred over this past school year. I haven't talked to Kyle or Matt at all since graduation night. The only reason why I've talked to Austin is because he's always around and I can't exactly kick him out of my house. Kyle knew I needed some space in order to figure out my feelings for him and the other two guys which is why we haven't talked. I decided on my own to not message Matt until I was for sure aware of my feelings. Thankfully, Austin hasn't brought up our kiss anymore and for the most part we have gone back to our normal relationship. Which is such a relief. The last thing I wanted to do was jeopardize my friendship with him.

I think I have made up my mind. It was a lot of going back and forth, but my heart kept leading me back to one particular guy. He has made such a big impact on me and I just can't let him go. I feel peace in my decision and I think I am ready to tell the guys. It's not going to be easy, I know. But this is something that is way over due and I need to tell them my decision.

I head over to the guy's house that I plan to tell first. I know this isn't going to be easy for me, considering the feelings I've always had for him. But I know he's not the one. There has been too much back and forth and distrust in our relationship. I just can't see myself fully letting my guard down enough with him.

My stomach was turning nervous flips as I drove. I was shaking, and I was doing everything I can to calm myself down. I really don't know why I'm so nervous, I guess I've just never been good at letting people down. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I know this isn't going to be easy.

I pulled up at Matt's house and sighed in relief when I saw his car in the driveway. I didn't tell him I was coming over, so this is a complete surprise to him. I wanted to do this in person and I was afraid that if I messaged him, I would end up telling him over text message.

And he deserves way better than that.

I drug myself out of the car and to his front door. I've been dreading this conversation all morning, but not everything is rainbows and butterflies. Unfortunately.

His sister, Jaycee opens the door with a surprise look on her face. She immediately breaks out into a grin, "Are you here to see Matt?"

I nodded, with a smile. "Yes, he is here right?"

"Yeah, I'll go get him for you." She opened the door wider for me to come in.

"Thanks, are your parents here?" I noticed the House was quiet, and now that i remember I don't think I saw their car in the driveway.

"No, they had to go do some running around."

"Jayce, is someone here?" Matt's voice sounded from the distant. I could hear his footsteps and the nervous feeling was back. Do I really have to do this?

Yes, yes I have to.

Matt rounded the corner and a shocked look appeared on his face. "Becca, what are you doing here?"

I smiled sheepishly, "I hope I'm not intruding."

"No, not at all." He smiled, "I'm glad you're here." He the turned to his sister, "Did you tell her?"

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