THE END OF MY F***ING SANITY

Its all my falut

*WARNING SPOILER ALERT IF YOU DID'NT FINISH THE SHOW (first season) *

Alyssa's POV

Sometimes I deeply regret my life choices. Right now would be a perfect example. It's all my fault. We're in jail now and it's all my fault. I should've never suggested to run away. I should've never stolen that mans wallet. Actually no that arsehole deserved it but everything else was wrong and I hate that I was just now seeing that. I shouldn't have broken into that house. I shouldn't have tried to erase our tracks. There's a lot of things we , I shouldn't have done but we , I did and I feel like absolute shit for it. I don't know when's the next time I'll see James or if I'll ever see him again and it's all my fault.

"It's all my fault."

"Alyssa what happened ?"

"It's all my fault."

"Alyssa , I will ask you one more time. What happened?"

I took a deep breath before I finally came clean. I know it seems really out of character for me but it's my character that got us buried in this giant pile of shit and it'll be my character that'll dig us out. I won't let James go down alone , regardless of what he wants he can't make that choice for me.

I started from when me and James first spoken to each other on that day...

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I've seen you skating, you're pretty shit."

"Fuck off."

and ended to when James and I had last spoken 11 hours earlier.

"Say that I kidnapped you."

"What?"

"Yeah. Tell them that tell them that I did it all. Then you'll be okay. Nothing will happen to you."

"No. No way we're going together. Come on !"

" I'm sorry."

"Why?"

At the time I really wasn't expecting him to do that but now I know I was stupid, and he was only doing what's best for me. In the moment I was really hurt , I thought he was abandoning me and trying to escape. Even thought he told me to say I was kidnapped so just he would be punished. The only part of this whole last minute plan of his that my mind could focus on was his figure running way.

" So Koch was going to hurt you and in response James stabbed him?"

"Yes, we never meant to hurt anybody. We were just trying to get away from the shitty lives we had and admittedly made some bad choices on the way ,all of which were my ideas. James is ,was just really passive and went along with everything. I promise we're not dangerous people, we're just a couple of teenagers that really messed up."

James POV

I've never been more happy to be alive. Thankfully they only shot my leg and the bullet went right through muscle tissue so it's nothing serious but it still hurt like a bitch. I wonder if Alyssa is okay right now while they're interrogating her. This is going to sound bad but I hope she's not being herself, she'd just make it worse. I don't care what happens to myself I just want her to be okay. Knowing Alyssa though she's probably giving them attitude, but who knows. I'm sure she never thought she'd be in this situation before she met me. It's all my fault. I went along with everything because I wanted to kill her. I should've told her no , to everything. She'd be so much better off if she'd have never met me. Everything that's happened is my fault. Now Alyssa is going to pay the price because I thought I was a fucking psychopath. We pushed it too far from the minute we stepped out of my house. No , I pushed it too far from the moment I let Alyssa think that I actually liked her. Now I actually do like her , a lot, maybe even love. She's the first person I could ever say that about since my mum. She's the first person that's ever made me feel real human emotion. Now that I'm sitting here with nothing to do but let my thoughts swarm my mind I think I might actually go insane not knowing when I'll ever see Alyssa again or if I ever will. It's all my fault.

"James."

I looked up.

"They're ready for you."

I nod and walk into the interrogation room with two officers following me . I sit down across from two other officers and a bright light shines in my face.

"Alright , we already got Alyssa's side of the story. I can tell you she didn't say you kid napped her..."

Of fucking course she didn't. Dammit Alyssa I got shot in the leg for that story.

"but now we want to here your side of the story."

I was hesitant but I told the whole truth of what happened that day.

"Alyssa and I decided to run away together. We were going to her dads but we needed a place to stay for the night. Alyssa decided to break into Koch's house and I went along with it. Later on we got in a fight-"

"About her giving you a blowjob?"

God Alyssa sometimes you talk to much.

"Yes." I answer uneasy and take a gulp. "I had plan to apologize to her when she returned after angrily storming off with flowers that I ripped from a pot out in the yard . I didn't get to give her the flowers because when she did return it was with Topher, who she brought over to have sex with. I guess she also wanted to make me jealous and angry since I had made her angry. I'm sure she told you they didn't actually have sex. While they were doing whatever I decided to snoop around and I found pictures of past victims of Koch and a video. He's a serial rapist. Anyway later Topher came down and told me she's a fucking prick-tease bitch and left. After that I went upstairs to try and apologize again but she told me to go away. So I respected her wishes and waited outside the door for her to fall asleep while reading one of Koch's books. When she was asleep I snuck into the room and laid on the floor to admire her because she was turned towards the outside of the bed so I wouldn't be able to look at her if I went in the bed. Awhile after I heard Koch come in so I slide under the bed. He came in and woke Alyssa up . I couldn't see anything but I could tell Alyssa was frightened. At first Koch was acting very nice towards her and then he asked you on your own ? and she replied yes. Then he started to get creepy. Once I heard Alyssa's cry I snapped. I had no control over what I did next I just knew I couldn't let him hurt her any longer. I stabbed him. Not her. Alyssa and I were both shell shocked. I even vomited. I wanted to go the police but Alyssa didn't think you'd believe us, that it was self defense,especially since we broke in. Instead we cleaned up the crime scene and burnt the bed sheets. We also left the pictures I found around him and the video...."

"Now Alyssa told us about theses pictures and video too and from what we understand Koch's mother , the one who found him must've gotten rid of them and later after I talked to her about owning the whole situation she showed me the video."

"Oh okay."

"Thank you for your confession James , your punishment will be less because of it but you have to remember you still killed someone and even if it was self defense you ran and committed a handful of other crimes on top of it."

"I know , I'm sorry. This probably won't change anything but while we were on the run Alyssa and I went our separate ways for a short bit and I was going to turn myself in I called and everything but when it came down to actually telling the officer about the murder I chickened out and just told him about my mums suicide and then ran."

"I know you're not a bad kid James. You just made bad choices. I wish you the best of luck. Now common I sure you'd like to see your girlfriend one more time before the trials."

My face light up at the thought of being able to see Alyssa one more time , there's nothing I wanted more. I was walked out to be greeted by Alyssa's smiling face , something you don't get to see very often and it was the most amazing sight.

"James!" She cheered.

"Alyssa!"

She engulfed me in a hug and then said three little words I would never forget.

"I love you."p