Chap 3: What did I do?

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(26/11/18) The review of this chapter is done. I made quite a lot of mistakes here oops XD I'm blind to my writing

Sorry guys but you might want to re-read to have a better sense of what i'm talking about ^^

Do follow my twitter writing account @8thbtsmember for updates of this fanfic and if you want to talk to me, go ahead!!

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Embarrassment and awkwardness tend to find its way to me really easily. And I mean REALLY. Sometimes I wonder about who I was in my previous life to deserve these many wrong choices I have made in this one.

You would think that sighing is not a big deal, but I just can't get over it. To me it's natural to make a fuss over small things too, not because i'm a perfectionist, but I have quite a low self-esteem.

Sometimes I may go out of my way to do things, only to fail. So whenever I make an effort and it comes out wrong, it does hurt a little.

After that incident, I fought hard the urge to hide my face behind a book the whole day just to make sure I avoid Jungkook and also not embarrass myself. I hid behind Jasmine as we walked out of the room after class dismissal till he was out of sight.

"Really y/n?" Jasmine commented blandly as she shook her head upon seeing my actions, "is that the best you can do?"

Jasmine said she really wanted to push me towards Jungkook, which was too extreme but I know she just wanted me to clear the misunderstanding with him. Her intentions were good. But still... I think her actions will make things more awkward for me.

I think i need a proper closure that feels more like me, so i can be satisfied. But i need to prepare myself first.

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The next day, I made a stop by the music room. Previously the music club president gave me the keys to the room because I helped them transcribe parts of their songs on several occasions, so i made it a point to make full use of it.

I figured out that if I want to act normal (and have no panic attacks), relaxing myself would be a good start. Placing the sheets on the stand and taking a deep breath, I positioned my hands on the piano keys and focused on playing it out 'El Paradiso' (Alice Mare ending).

It helps me sometimes to keep myself busy so that I can focus on my current tasks and forget things I do not want to remember. It may be avoiding the problem to some, but I feel it is better than worrying and not getting an answer in the end. Even worse, I didn't want to regret a mistake from panicking and not doing my best because of that added anxiety.

I guess that was when kpop came in. When I stop playing the piano for months because of the major exams, it gave me a distraction I desperately needed from built up stress and worry. It opened a new door of possibilities to my dull and boring life, which I am glad I left some parts of it behind.

I had many flaws, but one thing I'm proud of myself for is that I didn't just stop. I kept on going and improving myself to where I am today.

(You need to love yourself to be able to move on. Just remember that there are things we cannot change, so don't get too hung up about it.

Most of the time there are no right or wrong choices, so for me I learnt to not regret choices I've made, even if they could be wrong, but at that point in time when I made that choice, I know that that choice was the best for me. That choice reflects me. After all, people cannot change overnight, can we?

Hope this helps anyone with similar problems like this author here. I have my emo moments too. Moments where I'll silently cry in the bathroom, moments where choices I didn't like are the only choices which I have to accept anyway.

So, you guys are not alone.)

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Little did I know that someone else would come in and listen in though. (I didn't lock the door --- from my experience in school we just close doors but don't lock it because there could be other classes using the room after us. But in this case since I have the key and I opened the door -- and it's originally locked, it's a common habit for students to only lock up when they finish using the the room. Hope it makes sense why people can walk in during the time I'm using the room)

I mean, the music club members normally have afternoon sessions so I wasn't expecting anyone to come by.

When I was done, I heard clapping from behind me. It actually freaked me out to the point I jumped a little in my seat because I was too immersed in my world if you want to call it.

I turned my head to see a tall boy with short brown hair, black eyes, sharp nose, wide smile showing perfect teeth, a rather sharp jawline...

Wait.

I'M STARING TOO MUCH. My cheeks felt super hot when I realised it.

"You... good," he said rather confidently, given his broken sentence. He gave me a big thumbs up with utter satisfaction plastered on his face.

It was a really sweet comment, it was not the words he gave that reached me first.

It was because the look he gave that showed that he really enjoyed it.

It warmed my heart a little. The feeling was weird to me, because I never really thought of wanting to pleasing anyone before. The affirmation was enough to make me feel proud of myself. Proud of who I am.

"Thank you," I replied sincerely.

Thank you for making me feel this way.

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He introduced himself as Taehyung, a name I mentally promised to remember.

He was like an animated character brought to life. Though he had difficulties communicating with words, he made up by acting it out, displaying many different expressions. (This means he had flaws, but he filled those gaps with his actions! As expected from tae!!)

He told me he plays the saxophone and a little bit of the piano, but because of his training as an idol, he could not really find the time anymore (A/N: he's talented man ^^ I'm dying to see him play before I die).

"Show (you) next time," he smiled radiantly while gesturing by pointing to himself, then to me.

I nodded firmly. It would be something I will look forward to the next time we meet.

He pulled out his phone, toggling to the dial pad screen before handing it to me.

"Number?"

At this point I'm internally screaming.

What did I do to deserve this??


Old notes (i'm leaving these here cos it tells you guys more about how the story links to my life)

As I said, this story relates to my life quite a bit. I don't usually talk to my classmates unless in group discussions (I have no real friends in class but out of class I do... weird right?). So yup I have lots of awkward situations in my life because of my half introvert personality.

Why half? Tbh I can talk if I want to but I feel I don't have much to talk about. I tend to listen to people more ^^

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