Stronger Than Us Both

Disasters & Dreams

●Dean●

It took Cas two days to get settled into my dorm as he only brought half his things and already had a lot of that here. Nothing really changed between us, only that the uncertainty of whether I would wake up with Cas in my arms completely vanished. That was a guarantee now. And with my eighteenth birthday rapidly approaching, everything was perfect. Well, almost. The only problem was the nightmares. They came out of nowhere, resembling the one a few weeks ago as well as old ones of my mother. I dreamed about terrible storms and death, mostly me but sometimes Cas too. My lungs would be filled with water once again or I would be strangled by an invisible force or I would simply be writhing in unspeakable pain. Things became even worse when I would have to watch Cas go through that suffering. I would wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air and just hoping I wouldn't wake Cas. He didn't need to worry about me. And lucky for me, Cas was a heavy sleeper and stayed unconscious each time I broke free from the seemingly endless torture. It felt wrong to keep this from him, but they were just nightmares. If it meant losing some sleep for Cas's peace of mind, it was well worth it.

•••

Cas let me sleep in way too long on Thursday. It was almost eleven when I finally woke up. He didn't let me freak out like I would have done to him, like I have done, before explaining that we didn't have school. "I wouldn't expect school tomorrow either," he told me with a wink, his eyes seemingly shining a brighter blue than normal.

I didn't even move my head from the pillow I'd claimed. "You had everything to do with this." It wasn't a question.

"Happy birthday," he said instead, which was practically an admission of guilt since my birthday wasn't for another two days.

"You know, I was fine with going to school today and tomorrow. My birthday is on Saturday, so I got that off already."

"I didn't want to go to school though. Think of this as an early present."

I smiled, wrapping my arm around my pillow. "Speaking of presents... Are you waiting to give me mine?"

"Who said I was getting you anything?" I watched him change out of his t-shirt and into a white sweater that went well with the dark jeans he'd already put on. "Enjoying yourself?" Cas asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's a wonderful view."

He scoffed at that but still came over and sat beside me. The slight dip in the mattress was one that I'd grown accustomed to. I smiled at the fact that Cas and I had grown so close. He touched my face lightly, brushing my hair to the side.

"Why are you dressed?" I asked him, then I realized how weird it sounded. "Sorry, that's not what I meant."

"I'm picking up lunch." I started to ask where, but he knew it was coming. "Chinese takeout from down the street."

I started to get up, but Cas shook his head at me. "I'll go with you," I almost pleaded. "I don't want you going alone."

"It's okay, really." He touched my face once again. "It's a short walk, and it'll be nice to clear my head in the cold air. I-" He quickly pressed his lips together before resuming. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Okay. Just be careful."

"I will." He kissed me on the forehead and slipped out of the room, shrugging on a coat. I didn't fail to notice the way his smile disintegrated the moment he thought I couldn't see. Nothing made my heart break quite like that distressed frown or knowing that something was eating him up and there was nothing I could do.