After what happened last night, I knew this would come.
Tsukki didn't wait for me so that we could walk together to school. In our morning practice, he didn't even acknowledge my presence. At lunch, he didn't eat with me, Hinata, and Kageyama. He didn't even talk to me during classes.
'Should I say sorry? Say it was all a prank? Geez now it feels like my feelings we're all just a stupid joke'
I'd rather have my feelings be a joke honestly, than being hated by Tsukki.
Before I even noticed, I was already facing two metal doors that leads to the gymnasium. I pushed it open and peered inside.
All of them were practicing already.
Quickly going inside without grabbing attention, I quickly go to the locker. Room and change.
After changing, I quickly got behind Kageyama, since we were all lining up to practice receiving.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Apparently after practice coach Ukai wants to treat us food.
Of course nobody denied, especially Hinata and Kageyama. But I really don't wanna eat anything. My stomach's already filled with regret and despair.
When we got there, the team split up to groups of threes, fours, and twos. Daichi, Sugawara, and Asahi senpai are sitting in one table, Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita senpai are sitting together in another table. Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka-senpai, and Nishinoya-senpai all sat in one table. Which leads to Tsukki, sitting in a lone table, with only two chairs, since Tanaka and Nishinoya senpai grabbed the other two to sit with Hinata and Kageyama.
I'd sit in another table, but all the other tables are full. I'd sit on the floor, but they might think I'm weird. I'd go home, but they might think I'm avoiding Tsukki, and that may lead to another problem. For me, and Tsukki.
So with all that's left of my courage, confidence, and strength, I walk to Tsukki's table.
He's putting his headphones on, so he may have not heard or seen me walk to his table and sit down in front of him, or he's just ignoring me, like I'm nothing but a useless, unseen thing.
When he finally decides to look up, he just scoffed at me and looked away. My heart broke a little more. Okay a lot more.
"H-hey Tsukki!" I stutter, smiling nervously.
"Tch" He clicks his tongue and looks away more.
"U-uhm, sorry I have to sit w-with you, th-the other tables a-are already full and this i-is the o-only table th-that has a v-vacant seat"
"I don't have time to listen to you. Just shut up so that I don't have to send you away" He says with an extremely cold voice, I could feel the ice.
"O-ok, s-sorry Tsukki" After I apologized, I look down on my lap.
"And will you stop calling me with that stupid nickname? It really annoys me now since you confessed to me and it sounds like it's a nickname that my girlfriend would be calling me."
Girlfriend
My heart completely shattered after hearing that word, And shattered more since he wants me to stop calling him 'Tsukki', the nickname I called him since he saved my from the bullies.
"Ok, T-Tsukishima." I say, still looking down at my lap.
Before I even realized it, salty tears are running down my face like a flood. I couldn't take it anymore. It fricking hurts so much. I just wanna die. I seriously have no purpose in this world anymore. Tsukki -no- Tsukishima hates me now since I confessed to him. He's my only friend, and I lost him already because I decided to be selfish and consider own feelings.
"Yamaguchi, why are you crying?" Hinata asks, concern oozing in his voice. Does he seriously have to know?
"W-what? I'm not crying! I-I'm fine really" I say to the whole team, since Hinata's question made them curious.
"You are crying. Why? Did Saltyshima hurt your feelings?" Hinata asks.
"NO! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TSUKISHIMA! HE DIDN'T BREAK MY HEART, OR HURT MY FEELINGS, OR MADE ME CRY! IT WAS JUST ME BEING P-PATHETIC" I yell, while closing my eyes, tears still coming out.
It was silent.
I grab my bag and run towards the door. Not even looking back. I'm so pathetic.
When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom, and looked for the blade I hid here a long time ago.
When I found it, I pull up my sleeve in my left hand, and when I was about to slice it open, I saw a butterfly drawn on my wrist. Memories flooded back in, and my eyes tear up again.
It was a butterfly that Tsukishima drew a long time ago with permanent marker. One time he saw my cuts, and drew the beautiful butterfly in my wrist with big beautiful wings, expanding from the middle of my wrist to the back. It has pink, red, green, and purple colored patterns in its wings, all different and unique. He worked hard drawing it, and spent hours making it perfect, which made me not to cut ever again.
"Tsukki" I whisper, tears already flowing down my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry" I hiccup, then sliced my skin with the blade, across the butterfly, ruining it with my own blood and tears.
After I was done, I look at it, the butterfly not even noticeable anymore, covered in my own blood and tears, in other words, it's ruined.
After I cleaned my right arm, the butterfly still ruined, I changed into my pajamas, and climed to bed.
I broke my promise to not cut anymore. I broke my promise to him.
I'm tearing apart.
Again.
A/N: Hey everyone. To all the people who read this book, I'm so happy that you like it. I don't really need any votes, I just want you guys to read it and appreciate it. But if you wanna vote, I'm not stopping you. I really thought no one would like this story, since it's not that good in my opinion. But, thanks for appreciating it though. I'll try updating fast, but I'm really a lazy writer.
