Painless

Harsh

If I say something, I mean it.

I don't do it to hurt you.

I do it to tell you the truth.

You should be thankful.

All I ask is honesty.

Few of my friends were able to give it to me.

Those that did, I love dearly.

If it weren't for them I'd be lost.

I don't care if it hurts me.

You keeping the terrible truth from me will hurt more.

Infinitely so.

It's just amazing how strong the human race's urge to lie is.

If they had just told me what they thought of me, I would've changed.

But they lied.

For months.

Kept up the front that they liked me.

Not well, but they tried.

When I found out, it wasn't the words that hurt.

What hurt was that they lied to me.

All I asked was honesty and I couldn't even have that.

But I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I believe in karma, she's my best friend.

The one person who was honest with me I was mad at.

He was nothing but the messenger.

But I was mad.

And I have made peace with him.

I will not lie, the other I can speak to.

When he tries to act normal around me, I become icy.

The memory of what he reduced me to, coming to mind.

I don't cry.

That much you should know about me.

But I have cried in this year more than I had cried last year.

That's not saying a lot though.

It basically means more than 2.

The majority were caused by him.

I know I need to let go.

I try.

And I have, for the most part.

I just hate how he apologized because his girlfriend told him to.

He didn't do it for me or himself.

And I know d*mn well that he didn't mean it.

Right after do you know what he said?

He said, and I quote:

"JC, I only have one thing to say to you:

I'm sorry for what I said.

And you can go f*ck yourself you stupid b*tch."

I said things.

He said things.

He wanted me to tell him how much he hurt me.

I ended our last conversation with:

"What do you mean?

Why would I do that?

That's why I have friends,"

I know, I'm harsh.

I'm an asshole.

But what he said tore me apart inside.

I felt like he was right.

That nobody cares.

That I should kill myself.

(Also, it was super ironic that his initials are KYS.)

And God, the only reason I went to his table was to ask my friend a question.

Like, d*mn, can't I live a life that doesn't have a sh*tty development around each bend??

I guess I can.

I have a life on here.

With you all.

I hope you know, I consider y'all friends.

I know you might not feel the same way, but this is better than reality.

Reality had family problems.

Reality had dropping grades.

Reality had eyes red from crying.

Reality had harsh words.

Wait, I guess that means my name is Reality.

Hmmn.

Who would've thought?

*sniffles through tears*

I am my own enemy.

I f*ck up my own d*mn life.

How the f*ck does that work?

What did I do for this?

And, no, I know I am completely dramatic.

But still, imagine your bestfriend who had a crush on you (and you may have liked at one point)telling you to go kill yourself.

What else can you expect?

I can't be M_. Good-humor all the time!

I can't have a perfect life.

I wouldn't want that.

But I don't want this either.

I believe that this is the afterlife.

This is hell.

I don't even know what the hell this is.

I can no longer think straight.

I am broken.

I know everybody has problems.

Chaos strikes at the worst times.

Everybody thinks their problems are worse.

But do you use your music to blast out the sound of your parents' arguing?

Do you read only to escape the hell reality had become?

Do you quit social media so you wont have to see what rumors people spread?

Did you cut off almost all communication with everyone because you didn't know who to trust?

And, just now I asked him why.

He said he was mad.

About what?

I still don't know what I did.

I just want to move on already!!

So d*amn you world!!

I am giving you the finger.

If the world was a person I would love for them to rot in the fiery pits of hell.

Oh, wait!

Ha! Ha!

No, we're already there.