Alone

Uncertain

Tom woke with uncertainty on Saturday morning. What felt right the night before was more complicated in the light of day. Lily liked Evie, but that created a problem. If he started a relationship with Evie and it didn't work out, then Lily would be crushed. His responsibility was to his daughter. He would protect her from getting hurt even if it meant his own unhappiness. Tom had mistakenly jumped into a relationship before and wouldn't do it again. He had his own heart to protect, and he wasn't sure he was ready, since he was still grieving.

Lily couldn't stop talking about Evie. She had made quite an impression on his daughter.

"Dad, do you like Evie?"

Tom was uncertain how to answer. He understood what he was feeling when he kissed her, but he knew so little about her other than her loss.

"She's very nice."

"And pretty," Lily added.

Tom had to agree, as he remembered her beautiful eyes and lips and...

"Can we invite her to dinner tonight?"

"Lily-kins, we can't because we don't even have her phone number." Tom wouldn't mind getting to know her better.

"Can't we go to her house and ask her to have dinner with us?"

"I don't know. That isn't polite." Face-to-face he would force her to say, yes.

Lily didn't like his answer and badgered him all day until he finally relented. He hated to see Lily unhappy. She already knew enough sorrow.

Tom reluctantly drove to Evie's apartment, and Lily raced up the stairs. He was seven or eight steps behind her and reached the top to find his daughter's pouting face.

"She's not home."

Tom thought for a moment. "Don't you have some paper in the car so we can leave a note?"

Lily had a bag of writing and drawing things in the car which she used to entertain herself. She came back with paper, pen, and to Tom's surprise, an envelope.

"How about we asked if she's free tomorrow?"

"We could go to brunch!" Lily said excitedly.

Lily loved Sunday brunch. When she was younger, she thought princesses ate brunch, and she enjoyed feeling special like a princess. So Tom wrote a note and included his phone number. He secretly hoped that Evie would say, yes. Lily recovered from her earlier disappointment, but began asking every half hour if Evie had called. Each time, he had to tell her no or not yet. Being tucked into bed, she was disappointed again. He suspected that she would wake him early.

About a half hour after he shut Lily's door for the night, he received a text and smiled. He hoped that she had been out having fun. Perhaps, he thought, she was on a date. If she was seeing someone, things would be easier. Although he suspected she wouldn't have kissed him back if she was in a relationship.

Lily was bouncing around waiting for it to be noon. Tom was nervous and hoped that Evie wasn't expecting something that he wasn't ready to give. The minute he pulled up in front of her house, Lily jumped out of the car and was at Evie's door, before he reached the stairs.

He looked up at the two of them and thought they could almost pass as mother and daughter. They were both blond hair and Tom felt a stab in his heart as he thought Deanna, Lily's mother was brunette and Lily resembled Evie more. Lily was holding Evie's hand and smiling.

When they approached him, he said, "She's very excited."

Evie laughed. "I hadn't noticed."

Tom realized quickly that he needn't worry about feeling awkward, because Lily occupied Evie's attention. He sat back and listened, content that his daughter was happy. Truthfully most days she was better adjusted than him. Children were resilient, and she didn't have the pressure of being both parents, along with her grief.

After brunch, Lily wanted Evie to come see her house and her room. Again Tom couldn't easily say, no. Evie looked his way questioningly.

"If Evie wants."

Tom watched as Evie took in his home. He knew it looked generic with a lack of decorations or accents. Simplicity was his style, so it didn't feel particularly homey. All he had was furniture, a few pictures on the wall, and some family photos. The refrigerator had the most personality, because it was adorned with Lily's art work and school notices.

Lily's bedroom was an oasis, but he couldn't take credit for it. Judy, Deanna's mother, decorated it for Lily right after they moved in. He and Judy had mourned together and became closer. Their move required him to stop depending on others. He and Lily were getting by on their own.

He stayed downstairs while Lily took Evie to her room. She had been a good sport all day. Evie came downstairs first and smiled.

"She's putting her books back. She pulled half of them off her shelf to show me."

"She's thrilled that you're here. I worry about her getting hurt."

"I would never hurt her." Evie looked hurt herself.

"Oh, I know you wouldn't."

Lily came down the stairs and interrupted. He had wanted to say, intentionally. If they started a relationship that failed, it would hurt Lily. Soon after they took Evie home. She smiled pleasantly and thanked him. When Lily flung her arms around Evie to hug her goodbye. Evie hugged her back.

That evening after Lily was in bed, Tom sent Evie a text, Can we talk?

When she replied, he dialed her number.

When she answered, he said, "I had fun today."

"But..."

"Because of Lily, I have to be completely certain before I dive into a relationship. I need to know it is absolutely right. So I'd like to get to know you, as a friend and if... when both of us are certain, we'll know. I don't want to start something that could end, and then Lily would suffer. I'm not perfect and once you get to know me, you may find that I'm not right for you." He hoped he made sense, because he wasn't sure he had.

"So you're proposing more days like today. I liked today, but I'm not sure we even had a chance to talk to each other. So how can we?"

Tom ran his fingers through his hair. "I know, but we're talking now. When I saw the two of you together, I thought you looked..."

"... Like mother and daughter. I wondered if our waiter thought we were a family."

Changing the subject, Tom asked if she had been out having fun on Saturday night. She told him about her dinner with Sarah and he laughed. They talked until it was late.

He said, "It's past my bedtime."

"Mine too. Goodnight Tom."

"Goodnight Evie."

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