Alone

Certain

The closer Tom got to Evie the more confused he became. Previously he had set out to find a mother for Lily and failed. Now Evie loved Lily like a mother and he felt like he was betraying Deanna.

It surprised Tom the first time Evie called him at work. Lily was supposed to be safe at the library.

"Evie, is Lily alright?" he asked in a panic.

"She's fine, but I'll bring her to your house after work. Tom, this is awkward, but she asked me to help her. It's a woman thing, so we're going to stop at the store first."

"Oh man, I'm a doctor, but I've been dreading this day. Thanks for helping her, Evie, what would I do without you?" When he hung up, he felt like he could cry. He was grateful Evie was taking care of his daughter and relieved that he didn't have to, but Deanna should have been there for the milestone in their daughter's life.

As Christmas approached, Evie told him she hadn't had a tree since her divorce, which meant since Gabriel. He confided that every year he had a tree for Lily, but found it painful.

"Maybe we can both enjoy Christmas a little this year." Evie suggested.

Lily was so excited when Evie came over to help them decorate their Christmas tree. A part of Tom felt awkward because so many ornaments held memories and he wanted to tell Evie not to touch them. Truthfully, he sensed that she knew, because she chose generic ornaments to hang rather than the ones like baby's first Christmas.

He and Lily went to stay with his mother-in-law, Judy, for Christmas. He held his breath when Lily kept talking about her friend Evie. Judy thought Evie was one of her school friends and he didn't correct her.

Tom wasn't able to speak to Evie like he was used to, but he called her on Christmas morning when he went to take his shower and before she went to spend her Christmas day with her friend, Sarah. She had become a big part of their life, and it made him feel joy and guilt simultaneously.

Tom and Lily spent New Year's Eve alone while Evie went out with her friend. He sensed Evie was giving him space, and it scared him. He knew he was taking too long to figure out what he wanted.

One day, Tom went to pick Lily up at the library after losing a patient. Evie's smile turned to a frown when she saw him. He didn't want to remind her of her own sorrow. He didn't talk to her. He waved and walked out with Lily. Besides the guilt of replacing his wife, one of the biggest reasons he kept Evie from filling his heart was his profession. He couldn't seek comfort from her, because he couldn't ask her to live through her pain again to help him.

When he didn't call her that night, she called him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just a stressful day, I need a good night's sleep and I'll be fine." It wasn't really a lie, because he usually grieved for his tiny patients and moved on. He suspected that Evie knew, but she told him to get some sleep and hung up.

Things continued, although he Evie would often have plans with Sarah instead of spending time with them. Once or twice, she took Lily, since one of Sarah's son was her age. Tom felt lonely when they were out having fun without him. Occasionally, Evie and her friend went out for drinks. Jealousy crept in. What if she met a man that could give his heart to her? What if she grew tired of waiting for him?

During school vacation in February, Tom took the week off. They went skiing and returned in time for Lily's birthday. Evie fed Sassy for Lily, and Tom was glad that Evie would keep an eye on the condo for him. Even from the resort he called her every night. Their nightly talks had become his lifeline. They had known each other for over three months and he couldn't imagine life without Evie.

Driving back from the mountain, Lily kept talking about seeing Evie. She missed her too. When they arrived home, Judy surprised them. Lily's grandmother had come for her birthday.

"Gran, did you bring the balloons for me?"

The living room was decorated with balloons and a big Happy Birthday sign.

Judy answered, "No, your friend, Evie left them."

"Did you meet Evie? She was feeding Sassy for me."

Judy looked at Tom. "She was not quite what I expected."

"Lily, go unpack and take a shower."

Once alone, he said, "Evie is our friend."

"Is that what they call it these days? I remember your other friend. At least Lily likes Evie."

"Evie and Lily love each other." Tom corrected her.

"I suspect the one she loves is you. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know. I keep thinking about Dee." He was glad finally to be talking about his torment.

"Dee would want you to be happy, both you and Lily. Does this Evie make you happy?"

"Yes, but it's complicated."

"What's complicated? If you love her, the rest will come out in the wash."

"I won't be betraying Dee, if I love her?"

"No! Don't think that way. You were a good husband to my daughter, but she's gone. You don't have to be miserable to prove you loved her. Now I'm not sure what I said, but your Evie seemed upset when she left. Why don't you go talk to her while I stay with Lily?"

Suddenly certain, Tom raced out the door. He loved Evie, and he needed to tell her.

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