Deliverance of Melancholy

{three || oblivious of shelter}

Maxwell tries to close any space that is between us at all, but it seems impossible. I wrap my arms around his neck as he kisses me even more deeply. The way he touches me reminds me of who we are, I mean who we really are. We're teenagers, just teenagers. Though, we have both gone through enough unsettling outcomes to shift our heads to a place where we have to grow up, that it's these moments that remind me that we're only kids. We're only preparing ourselves for what life should bring us.

I smile against his mouth as he silently backs me up until my calves hit the bed frame. He helps us onto his bed. His lips find their way to my neck and somehow I find myself wrapping my legs around his waist. He pulls away from me and looks at me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks me, his eyes serious as he stares back at me.

It's not like Maxwell and I are virgins, we most certainly are not. What he means by that is that we haven't had sex since the accident. Of course, I want to, but I'm just not sure if I have that kind of energy. The way Maxwell is looking at me assures me that he is wondering about my well being more than anything else in this moment.

"Of course I want to, Max," I tell him as I lay flat on my back.

He sits up on his elbows, his face looking down at me. "I know, Sweetheart, but you know, can you?" he asks me, a slight smile on his face.

Oh, I know what he's referring to. He's talking about the last time we tried to do anything and I ended up crying while he was putting on the condom. Yeah... That was just lovely to explain to him.

As I stare at Max, my mind begins to race to the past and horrifying images of blood and terror flash through my mind like some horrible montage. I blink and the images disappear. "I don't know if I can," I try to be honest with Max. Truthfully, I don't know how I feel right now. Usually, it's pain, heartache and anything and everything in between. I suppose maybe, it's because that's all that ever made sense since that horrific disaster. Right now, though, I can't tell what it is. Disappointment? I can't do what should be simple for a teenager because of my own head clouding my thoughts too much to do so. Maybe.

I shouldn't be thinking this way, it's selfish, too selfish. My mother, she is my family now, I have to think about her, not myself. I have to think about her well-being over my own.

He nods and gets off of me, standing back up. "Well, that's alright, Eden," he tries to reassure me, but I already feel bad. I'm sure that a lot of the time, he wishes he could have a normal relationship with a normal girl who hasn't gone through a mass amount of trauma in a number of days. It sure as Hell would be a shit ton easier. By no means do I not appreciate him. I do, I really do. I mean, he does everything for me. Honestly, I can't think of a thing that he wouldn't do for me. It's that sometimes I think he would be better off without me. Without the stress. Without the constant reminder of tragedy.

"Stop that." Maxwell's voice knocks me hard from my thoughts. He's now sitting on the edge of the bed as I lay here.

I raise an eyebrow at him in complete question. "Stop what?"

He shakes his head, a frown displayed on his mouth. "You know you're overthinking. It's not necessary." He pauses and looks down at me to see a frown on my mouth, I know he does. "You're making yourself hurt when you don't need to be. You know how much I hate to see you upset and when there's even a moment that you're okay, I want you to hold onto it before realization takes it away." He stares at me with eyes of pain and it makes me feel remorse. He shouldn't feel this way.

I sit up and look at him, "You shouldn't feel sad just because I feel a certain way, Max. This is me, not you." I reach up and cup his cheek as I watch his expression alter from sadness to confusion.