Deliverance of Melancholy

{seven || overwhelmingly supportive}

It's no surprise to me that people still stare. I mean it's not like the incident happened a long time ago. It's relatively new. That new girl who I never bothered to learn her name stares a lot. I'm not exactly sure why though, I mean of course her family is probably still alive, but has she never heard of people dying? People die, it's not like this is a new revelation.

Ooh, maybe she's stupid and doesn't know that everyone eventually dies. No, that can't be it, we were just in biology this morning...

I don't know, but what I do know is that she is really starting to freak me out.

"What's your issue?" An unfamiliar voice asks me, startling me out of my own thoughts.

I peer around my locker door and find Elliott leaning, looking more interested than ever. Why on earth is he talking to me, or anyone for that matter? I stare at him, not knowing what to say. This guy hasn't talked to me in years, why just now is he talking to me? I don't get it.

He furrowed his eyebrows at me. "What? Don't know how to talk?" he questions me.

I sigh and shut my locker door. "What do you want?" I ask him and when he doesn't say anything I begin to walk away. Expecting him to follow me, only moments later do I hear footsteps beside me.

"Elliott, what do you want?" I ask with more irritation within my voice.

"Elliott?" Maxwell questions me.

I look at him, slightly startled at his presence. "Sorry, I thought you were— well you know," I hold my books against my chest.

Just as we're about to enter the cafeteria, Max stops me and ushers me off to the side of the hallway. "Has he been giving you trouble, Eden?" He asks me like it's the most serious thing in the world, but really it's Elliott annoying me for some unknown reason.

I shake my head, "No, he just came up to me at my locker and started talking to me really out of the blue, although it may have something to do with what happened a few days ago when he basically shouted that my family is dead."

Max's face turns from his familiar expression to pure anger. "He did what?!"

I'm sure that I told him about this... Perhaps not. If I can avoid talking then I will. I guess I just sort of forgot.

I shake my head, "Max, it's okay, it's nothing. There was just this new girl and she was getting angry that I was getting special treatment and when she wouldn't shut her goddamn mouth, Elliott told her what happened to me and that was the end of it."

Of course, it wasn't really okay, not even a little bit. Every time I think about it, I am reminded of how he said those words, how vivid reality had become.

Max looks at me for a moment, his mouth turning into a frown. "Eden."

I look at his eyes, which I was purposely avoiding before.

"Are you doing okay today?" he asks, tilting his head a little.

I'm sure he meant this in the nicest way possible, like he's looking out for me, which I know he is, but it's different. I feel different. Counselors and my therapist tell me that time heals wounds, which I'm sure is true to a certain extent. For me, it's not like that. I've chosen to not feel these emotions. I chose to not put myself through the inevitable pain that eats us up when death surrounds us. I know many will tell me that it is impossible to not feel these emotions, that either way they will hit you. I know this. I know this will happen to me and when it does, I'll be a hurricane that is so far gone that it's caused more destruction that could've been possible. I know all this and it's not something I ignore. My mother, Maxwell and Mila all tell me that it's okay to cry, to feel things, but it's not. I can't grieve when I have absolutely no idea how to.