I Love You. (But Not Really)

Three

this is too much fun to write. but i think it'll be kinda short in chap no's
so lol for the escalation of this chapter

two weeks later

"Just close your eyes," Kellin said gently. "Maybe that will help you."

I sucked my lip between my teeth nervously, managing to stop myself before I punctured it.

"Just relax, okay?" Kellin said, reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "We can take our time with this. There's no rush."

All things considered, he was being really nice about the whole thing - especially with my apprehension about the whole situation.

It felt so so wrong to me and I was having such a hard time processing the act. But Kellin was being considerate of my feelings and trying his best to talk me through it.

"It's exactly the same way as when you do it with a girl," Kellin explained and tried not to be too amused. "It's literally the same concept."

"It just feels..." I began. "Weird."

"You have to practice it here," Kellin sighed. "If we go tomorrow and they see that you're acting so strange then they'll know something's up."

"Why do we have to do it at all?" I whined. "Can't we just pretend?"

"We have been pretending for two weeks, Vic," Kellin urged. "They're going to definitely catch us out if the other couples have done it and we can't."

"You owe me so much for this," I mumbled. "Especially considering when Dani hears, she's not going to be exactly thrilled."

"I promise you, I won't tell her," Kellin said. "Besides, if you're worried about this being cheating or anything - it's not."

"Oh please do enlighten me as to why."

"Because it's not real? I don't know. We were 'together' long before Dani and you decided to be," Kellin stated matter-of-factly. "So technically, you're cheating on me."

"Plus," Kellin stated. "She knows about our arrangement. So she can't possibly get angry at you."

"You'd be surprised," I sighed. "But I understand her hostility towards... what we're doing."

"Well we haven't done anything yet," Kellin joked. "Because you're such a wimp."

"It's not easy for me," I snapped. "You've done this a million times before with boys and I... haven't."

"It's the same thing," Kellin said, rolling his eyes. "There's literally nothing different."

"But you're my best friend," I mumbled awkwardly. "It's... weird."

"Just pretend I'm Danielle or something and close your eyes till it's over," Kellin suggested. "For the first time, I'll be quick so you get over this but after we need to pretend that we're actually enjoying it. Okay?"

Kellin did not move a muscle as he waited for my consent and for that I silently thanked him. He stayed quiet as I gathered up my thoughts and mentally prepared myself for everything that was about to happen.

"Okay, I'm ready," I said finally.

"Okay," Kellin said slowly.

He shifted closer to me, putting his arms around my neck. I tried not to squirm away from his touch and how grossly intimate it was. Ugh I hoped this would be over soon.

"Relax," Kellin said. "You're very tense and it'll just make it worse if you're uncomfortable."

"I don't think I can just stop being uncomfortable with this," I mumbled. "You're my best friend and we're about to..."