lust is not love

02:17; the story of a broken heart.

i had finally realized why they called it a "broken heart" and i had learned it from him.

he had filled my heart with so much joy and the love i had always craved for long. he had given me the attention i had always strived to earn from another. he had given me the care and the affection that we as people look for.

he had raised me up so high just to knock me down. when he had first done it, i had told myself it was okay, i had told myself he was just another one, i had told myself that it was life, i had told myself that everything happens for a reason, and i had told myself that i would get over it soon.

it was like going though the denial stage that people face when a loved one dies. for a minute, it's okay. but that stage never lasts long.

and when it ended it all came crashing down. i felt what they had meant when they said it was a "broken heart". i felt what they had meant when they said you would feel your heart shatter. i felt had what they meant when they talked about the physical pain you felt in your chest.

i felt like my heart had been ripped from my body, and dropped off the roof of an eighty story building. i had felt my heart hit the concrete and break into a million pieces. i had felt my body ache with pain.

because they said that eventually you will get over the heart break and heal, they say that time heals, and they say eventually you will forget.

but it is true, time can heal most things, and eventually you do forget many parts of it. the days pass by okay, and the thoughts of him are pushed away from my mind for the time.

but then i hear his name again and i hear others talk about the things he's doing and how he's doing, and it's like a relapse. it's like a stab at my heart and for a moment again i feel my heart start to break, for a moment i feel the pain in my body again, and for a moment i remember what they meant when they said a "broken heart".

because now, here i am, i haven't seen him in a while now, but its almost two a.m. and i miss his name popping up on my phone. i miss hearing his voice on phone calls. i miss the hugs and kisses we had shared. i miss him being the person i told everything to. i miss him.

because now, here i am, it's almost two a.m. and i feel my heart break relapsing and the tears flowing because all i can think about is how life is without him.

-02:17

"everything that comes together falls apart. everything. the chair im sitting on. it was built, and so it will fall apart. im gonna fall apart probably before this chair. and your gonna fall apart. the cells and organs and systems that make you you-- they came together, grew together, and so it must fall apart. buddha knew one thing science didnt prove for his millennia after his death: entropy increases. things fall apart."

- john green, looking for alaska