Failures

First Date

He thought the date had gone fine.

It had started out with a nice dinner, at a nice restaurant, in a nice neighborhood, with a nice girl. She had nice eyes and wore a nice blouse and said nice things about his job.

Halfway through, he noticed she was beginning to look uncomfortable. She kept glancing over at the table behind them (he didn't understand what the big deal was, it was a dude and a hot chick on a date, just like them,) but he brushed it off and continued his story when she had finally looked back at him.

When 8:30 rolled around, and she had taken two bites out of her piece of chocolate cake and too many sips of wine, he started to get irritated. She had barely chuckled at his joke about penguins, shrugged her shoulder and told her plate "Fine" when he had asked her how her day was, and he knew, he knew she was texting somebody under the table. He wasn't stupid, he could see her phone screen reflected in her glasses.

Finally, the check came.

The waitress that delivered (and did she deliver, he thought as his eyes swept over her curves,) the bill flashed him a smile. He winked at her before she left, and turned to face his date. The corner of his mouth twitched down. She wasn't even pretending to smile anymore. Jesus, how much ruder could she get?

"Would you like to pay?" he asked, shifting his body so he was leaning towards her. According to an article written by men he had read before tonight, women were supposed to like paying for stuff. Because of feminism, or something.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly," she drawled, voice sharp and dripping with sarcasm. What had he done now?!

"Okay fine, I'll get it then, as long as you tip."

Something flashed behind her eyes. And all of the sudden, she was standing up and grabbing her coat.

"I have someplace I've got to be, actually. It was really great to see you, I'll call you later," she snapped. He stood up too. If this date was drawing to an end, it might as well end on his terms.

"Yeah, this was fun. Let me walk you out."

"No thanks, I'll manage just fine by myself." With that, she spun on her heels and marched away, throwing one last glance at the man in the booth (who was staring at her worriedly, who did he think he was?).

Swearing, he threw down some cash on the table and followed her, angrily smoothing down his jacket as he did so. Bursting through the restaurant doors, he looked wildly around for his date. He saw her flagging down a taxi, swiping furiously at her eyes and ran to her.

"Abby! Wait!"

In shock, she turned, looking strangely hopefull, (what was that about) but recognizing him, her face fell. 

"Did I forget something?" she sighed. He bristled. This girl needed to learn some manners.

"Yeah, you forgot to mention why you ran out on our date like that! I mean, I'm a pretty great guy, and you've been such a bitch to me nearly all night! For Christ's sake, I bought you dinner;  I think I deserve at least at least a kiss!" he cried.

Her face morphed in a second, taken back and furious and disbelieving, and then she did something completely and totally unexpected.

She burst out laughing.

"You think, after that disaster, that I'd kiss you? Oh, that's priceless!"

Abby doubled over, pretending to wipe a tear away.

"If you think that you were even a little bit charming tonight, then I'm going to tell you right now you will never, ever, ever, ever  get into any sane woman's panties."

He sputtered, standing in the middle of the sidewalk. "What?!"

"Allow me to explain everything you've done wrong; firstly, you didn't pull out my chair for me, like come on man, chivalry isn't dead, and then proceed to talk about you and nothing but you for the entire night. It takes you at least an hour to even ask how my day was, for Christ's sake! And then, and then, you ask me if I was sure about ordering a burger, and even went as far as to suggest I get a salad instead. When the check comes, you flirt with the waitress in front of me (you don't even have the decency to wait till I go to the bathroom), and you fail to offer to split the bill. John, you are a sexist creep, a selfish person, and a complete waste of my evening."

Her jaw is clenched almost as tightly as her fists, her eyes are red and brimming with tears, and her cheeks are a bright pink, but it looks like her rant is over.

She looks up and away. Crosses her arms. Scuffs her boot against the concrete.

"To make matters even worse, you are the most oblivious person in the world. My ex- was sitting at the table behind us, and they only reason I suggested this place was because my friend told me he would be here."

And like that, he snaps.

"So I was a pawn? This whole time? Man, it's a good thing I didn't get laid, I don't know what other secrets you've been hiding-"

He breaks off, confused. There appears to be a red handbag moving towards his face. Funny, he thought Abby had the same one. It was an obnoxious, ugly thing, he remembers. Well. This one is just like it, and it's getting closer- wait-

At 10:52 John lumbers into his apartment with a black eye. Yeah, he thought the date had gone fine.

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So it's a little different than my other chapters, but it's here, I guess? Hope you enjoyed, have a magnificent day, and stay warm if you are currently buried in a foot of snow like I am! See you, cupcakes!