Now You're Gone | bechloe

Think, Sing, Stress, Repeat

(Chloe's POV)

After calling Beca earlier, I noticed a change in her tone of voice. It's scary, because her voice sounded a lot lower on the phone, meaning she's sad. I've been so worried about this recently, I'm sick of thinking about it and annoying everyone, but she's my best friend and I just want her to be happy.

The other day, I saw a sign for an international singing competition in town, which is taking place in a few weeks here, where singing groups from all over the world can take part. I instantly thought of the Bellas, but there's no way that's going to happen, as they live in all different places in the US, and then there's me living here, so there's no way we could get together and practice. However I decided that I would go and watch the competition seeing as it's just a thing you turn up to. It inspired me to start singing again, and I began practicing again earlier. It made me realise how much I miss the girls, but at the same time it made me feel good because singing is always something I've loved. I hope they would be proud of me for singing again, it's not like I was going to give up after the bellas.

*****

It's been 5 hours since I called Beca, and she's not been off my mind since. It's just worrying when you're thousands of miles away from your best friend and you know how much she thought she was going to struggle. Thing is, the only thing she's told me is that she got fired. Things can't be 'perfect' if she's got no job, and didn't have much money even before she got fired, as she spent it on a couple of new softwares for her mixes just before I left. That cannot be the case.

(No ones POV)

It was getting late, and many thoughts had been playing on Chloe's brain. She skipped dinner because she was so worried that she ended up feeling sick, especially because her parents wouldn't say anything about the Facebook post, which worried her even more. Chloe spent the night locked in her big lilac bedroom, thinking, singing, stressing, and repeating. While singing covers of her favourite songs, she was looking at her photos with Beca, reliving all the memories she had with her and the rest of the girls. It made her feel lonely though. She had made no new friends in her new town, and she was so far away from her other friends, which really brought her down.

Chloe sat down on her bed, stopped singing, and began to cry. She wanted her old life back. She wanted her friends back. She wanted Beca. All she wanted to do was enjoy her new life and make new friends, but it was the total opposite. She couldn't find a job or anything. It just felt horrible.

(Beca's POV)

I spoke to Chloe earlier, and she seemed worried. I'm not sure what she was talking about, as I was pretty much zoned out of the whole conversation. All I can remember is Facebook. I hadn't been on there in days, so I couldn't really think what she was talking about at the time. I check my Facebook to see what could have been the main problem, when I find Julie's post about David from when we found out about his death.

"Shit. I was tagged in that" I think to myself.

I go to the comments to see what people had posted, and as I'm scrolling, I notice Chloe's dad had commented, saying he passed his condolences on, and he wouldn't be telling Chloe. I feel sick to my stomach at the sight of it. No wonder she was concerned. I'm desperate to say something to her, but her dad said she wouldn't be told, so I can't say anything. Besides, I've not said anything else to her so keeping the secret should be normal.

*****

Since the day of the funeral, I've been thinking about trying to get out of the house. I know I had that bad day where I cut myself a lot, but I need to get my ass out the door and get some fresh air, no matter how shit I feel. My cuts are starting to scab over, and they hurt a lot, but I deserve it. I messed up, and if I concentrated at work when I found out about Chloe, none of this would have happened. Well, not none of it. Chloe would have still left, David would have still died, but I wouldn't have been fired, I wouldn't have been so stressed, and I wouldn't be as scared as I am to do things by myself. If only I had enough self confidence to be able to go out on my own and not feel as if I'm getting stared at wherever I go.

I put on a pair of dark jeans, along with my navy blue t-shirt and my leather jacket, and finish off the look with my heeled boots. I couldn't go out in the sweatpants that I was wearing, it would just look stupid, as if I had nothing else. I only wear my sweatpants when I'm at home, they're so comfortable for when I'm working on my mixes or just watching TV. Me and Chloe always used to have TV marathons while sitting in our sweatpants and a baggy top, after we'd gone out together to get the best food ever; Taco Bell. It's the best thing ever made. Chloe insisted we had to buy her favourite desserts from the dessert place around the corner from Taco Bell, which was fine by me. Those nights were the best.

While putting on my makeup, I realised that I actually haven't been out the house in a while, and I literally feel like I've forgotten how to get ready. I stopped doing my makeup the day after David died, because I didn't want to waste it after I cried it all off the day before. Most people wouldn't care, but holy shit, my makeup was expensive. I wasn't going to let my own stupid emotions ruin it.

Anyway, after about 30 minutes, I finally finished and plugged the straighteners into the wall to do my hair. Again, I hadn't done this in a while, so when I was doing it and had to scratch my wrist, I ended up tapping the straightener off it, causing it to blister very quickly. I just left it and tried to finish doing my hair, but it hurt more than it was meant to, as it hit a few of the cuts on my wrist. By the time I finished doing my hair, my arm was burning really quickly. I switched off the straighteners and ran to the bathroom to run my wrist under the tap. By then, it made my arm feel so much worse than before, and I had no idea what to do with it as it was so sore. Now, whenever I moved my wrist quickly, the burn would make it sting in quick rushing pains. It felt horrible.

Leaving the apartment for the first time in days felt weird. I was so worried that someone was going to come up to me and talk to me about everything on the news, or something else I was too scared to talk about. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I got into the car and thought about it. As I pulled the door shut, I winced as I moved my wrist in a fast motion, causing fresh tears to spring to my eyes. I can't believe what I did in there. I should have been so much more careful, and now it looks like I did it on purpose because it's right by where my cuts are. Wow. Seriously Beca, you're so stupid.

(Chloe's POV)

I'm sat on my bed, trying to take my mind off everything, when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. This could only mean one thing; a conversation.

Mom walked into my room without knocking, and sat down on the side of my bed.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"Not bad" I replied. "Just been working on some singing again."

Mom looked at me in a concerned matter.

"Be careful, Chlo. You've not done it in a while, so start off not doing it properly and then build yourself up. We don't want you getting problems with your throat again" she said.

I sighed heavily, and she put her arm around me.

"You'll be fine, just remember that you have to be careful for a bit" Mom whispered as she walked out the room.

Basically, I was told that if I stopped singing regularly and then I started again, I had to be careful, otherwise it may be too much for my vocal chords. That rule makes me sad, because it means I can't go full out when I want to, but if I keep going, I'll be able to sing properly within a week or two. It's what I want to do, and if I can't do it now, I'll never be able to do it.

*****

A/N: Omg guys I'm so sorry that this has taken so long! I've really struggled to write it as this was a filler chapter and I wasn't sure what to write. I hope you understand. I'm praying I'll be able to write the chapters a lot quicker from now on because I get many comments asking for this to be updated and I really want you all to be able to read the story and enjoy it as much as I like writing it, even though it's not that good of a story😂 I love you all, and apologies again for this taking so long to be uploaded xxx