The medication makes me numb,
But giltch, giltch surpasses it. She's the strongest, cause she's my anger and hatred for you mother. And the next time you are here, we won't fall for your desceit, she may cut me. Make me bleed, but my hatred and passion keeps me alive, she's a thick rope and I'm a broken string, can't you see. That you we're the scissors that cut it, they cut my hair, like you cut my life line cord. Now I'm damaged and insane with two broken legs and a grave that's calling for me. Your the wolf that left they're healthy puppy in a hunters den, your the demon that left they're soul in a fire, and I got burnt, burnt bad.
I used to kick my sleep, trying to escape your grip from the water entering my lungs, you drowned me, I was drowning and kicking to survive, but one day I gave up on my own life. I gave up keeping my wrist smooth and clean, I gave up. Because of you, are you happy with yourself, because this psychological damage will never go away. The sad thing is, once I gave up on caring about other human beings and myself, I grew tough skin, I grew courageous, but I was so so very lonely.
Maybe you didn't hit me, but I'm dead and rotting inside, broken mind, mangled heart. I'm borderline apathy bordline empathy, I'm unpredictable because you had to be,
It was hell and I was the lucky human that made it out alive, no, maybe I'm not a angel, and I'm not strong, but I was lucky. For a while... but the side affects kicked in later on. Ptsd, schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, anxiety. Tell me, are you happy with your permanent damage?
You know, when you accidently cut yourself and you don't realize your bleeding? That's what it felt like after crawling out of hell, I didn't realize the damage til later on. But this damage wasn't fixable by any means.
Mom, I sincerely
Fucking hate you,
I wish I could've been sensitive, normal, better. But due to a series of unfortunate events caused by you- and many others. I'm no longer functional.
If you knew what I felt, then you wouldn't wanna be me.
You sink your teeth to your victims and affect them with your poisonous excuses, but I've become immune now, now I've become the same, I blame my mental issues instead of owning up to my mistakes.
I've become the monster you are, cause you can't help but affect people. Your a wolf in a sheep's clothing, but now I'm smarter, stronger, faster. And I can see you coming cause your so predictable. Dodge dodge dodge, don't try and earn my trust and love cause you've broken it.
Don't try and be a mother when you couldn't of handle it the thousands of times I gave you a chance, cause I know. I know im not as important as your addiction. I'm worthless in the highest degree,
But I do have to thank you.
Because now I'm extra careful.
-------
(Amanys Vol)
I'm weak, I know I am. But that's okay! Because I forgive you mom, I know what you have done. And maybe it still hurts, but your trying! Right..?
It must be hard, you can't control it can you?
I forgive you
I forgive you
For the hitting, for the kicking, for the nasty words. I forgive you.
Mom, sincerely I love you
And I know you can be better, you just have to keep trying right?
I know, I'm not immune to the hurt. But i'll have to deal with it, cause your more important.
Mom,
You've always been more important. ♡
I'll accept your faults, I'll accept the abuse, I love you. And I'll try better to be more loving and kind. Your addiction is just escape, but I know you love me more..
Right ?
Right?
Right?
Right,?
Right?
You love me, I know you do! Please don't go, I'll be better. I'm your Lil angel. Please mom stay with me...
I'm so so sorry. I drove you away..
I promise I'll be extra empathetic next time...
