Why me ? -Caspar Lee

why me?: epilogue

I'm sitting on my bed, staring at my room. Every detail of it. I thought that, after moving once again, I wouldn't get used to a new room anymore. But I did and I was going to miss it. The pictures of memories I had treasured, sticking on my bedroom door by single pieces of Scotch tape. The smell of strawberries coming from my perfume that I wore almost every day. My lonely plant, sitting on my desk. Everything.

Then, I looked at the boxes sitting around my bed, waiting for me to put stuff in them. "SELL", "CLOTHES", "BOOKS", etc... I was about to lift myself up but then I let myself fall back on my bed, now looking at my bedroom ceiling while soft chill music from one of my playlists was playing in the background.

"Get up. How can you move into your dorm room if you haven't done anything yet?" I said to myself. So I pushed myself up so that I was leaning on my elbows and I was about to get up  (for real now) when I heard the notification sound coming from my phone, which was laying on the other side of my room.

I walked over to my desk to pick up my phone  and smiled when i read the freshly sent text that I got from my beloved boyfriend.

I miss u :(

I laughed and wrote the following:

Caspar, last time that we saw each other was two hours ago, remember?

I put my phone back on my desk and took two steps away from it when I suddenly heard the notification sound again.

I know I know, that's why I want u to come over, pls pls pls. No one's home and it's too quiet for me here

I rolled my eyes after reading his text and looked at the boxes. Looks like I wasn't going to be doing anything anytime soon.

Give me 30 minutes ;)

So there I was, instead of doing important 'moving out' things, I was going to see my boyfriend. Again. I looked in the mirror to see how I looked, "fine" I said to myself as I looked at my jeans and t-shirt. It wasn't much but it was fine.

I walked downstairs as I heard my mum and my older brother having a conversation, "Did you pack everything?" my mum asked. I stopped walking to the door, and headed to them. "Yeah uhm, well actually, I was... I was yeah you know, oH YEAh, I was heading to Caspars place to ask me if he can help me with my stuff. I just have SO MUCH to do" trying to sound as dramatic as possible.

"Sure sweetie" my mum said and I formed a 'thank you' with my lips.

"Well, I can help you if-"

"NO" I interrupted my brother. "I mean... No, I appreciate your request, but uhm, yeah I'll go now" walking as fast as possible, opening the door, out of the house.

After a few minutes, I arrived at his house and knocked on his door. I was going to knock three times but he opened after one. We both looked at each other and then I started to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, looking confused.

"It looks like you were waiting for me to arrive. Don't you have anything better to do?" I answered and asked at the same time."

"Actually, no. I don't and don't pretend that you didn't miss me." he said and pulled me inside by my waist. He closed the door and leaned in for a kiss.

Our love story was one big coincidence. I went to a new school and met him there. Little did I know that I was going to love him until now. We were also going to study at the same place. It was like life was on my side for once and I was forever thankful for it.

At one moment, we were standing in his kitchen, then we ended up in his bedroom. I don't know if we both expected it to happen today, but it did.

We're rewinding life to the moment I walked into art class and I locked eyes with the boy that would be my boyfriend in the future. Fast forwarding to today, where the same boy was now about to take my virginity.

"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded for the 3rd time.

So that happened.

I left his house with a big smile, thinking about how I was going to tell this to my mum. Not only was that a problem, the things I had to pack were also one.

I knocked while still smiling on the door and waited a few moments before my older brother opened the door.

He looked at me from head to toe and asked "You fucked him didn't you"

His question snapped me back to reality after daydreaming. Until today I still wonder how he figured it out "I'm... excuse me?"

"Oh my god MUM!" he yelled. I was not going to let him tell her, not him out of everyone that I know. Not now, not today, no.

"Wait, Trevor no SHUT UP" I whispered and put my hands over his mouth to shut him up. He tried to lick them but I got immune to it after so many years of him doing that.

Our mum came into the room with the most confused look on her face "Yes... what's happening?"

I could feel his mouth moving against the palm of my hand "No nothing's wrong mother, we're just messing around" I quickly responded before our mother went to the kitchen, still confused.

"Are you going to shut up about it once I remove my hands from your mouth?" I asked to which he nodded. He would've found out anyways since I'm a very bad liar.

"When are you going to tell her?" he asked me

"When I feel like the time is right" he nodded and went up to his room afterwards.

I went to my room too. Entering it made me want to leave the house again. My room was a mess but I knew that this would be temporary. This mess wouldn't be temporary if I didn't do something about it as soon as possible.

After plugging my phone in my charger and choosing a nice song, I sat on my bed and started to think.

What if I never came to Westvalley High? Where would I be now? Would I have found happiness?

I'm still young and probably very dumb too. I make mistakes but that's normal. It wasn't a mistake to put me in this high school because I ended up with happy things and people around me.

I used to think: why me? Why do I have to go through all of these terrible things?

But then I remembered everyone I met and everyone who was dealing with their own things. I'm not the only one with problems. I thought that this year would be the worst year of my high school life but it actually turned out to be the best one.

So why me? Because life decided that it was finally my turn.

To find love, friends, happiness, myself and more.