Chapter Eighteen: The Bells

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A few days in theory, shouldn't really seem that long.

How many 'a few days' have I already lived through that were nonconsequential, boring, nothing to talk about days? I probably went days before without evening thinking of the fact that days were passing. Even here, in The Hub, the first week plus some flew by without barely a second thought.

But these few days...

Knowing that the special groups had left to confront a very likely hostile werewolf pack was bad enough. Being the only one who knew, was even worse. Being the only one who knew my friends were out there battling a pack of werewolves was painful. I spent every second worrying, then pretending not to be worrying so no one would ask why I was worried, and then worrying that I looked like I was trying not to look like I was worrying.

I wanted to ask someone how often we lost Custodes in battle, but it seemed like a loaded question, and also like something that would only stress me out even more if the answer was a big number. Being honest with myself, even if I was told one Custode dies a year, I'd still be stressed. If that one that died was one of my friends, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I can't imagine continuing this without Maxum, or Bryn, or Opall, or Tonyedda, or Oliver. They were my friends. They were the ones I started this whole journey with. Without them, I wouldn't even be here.

One bad thing about having friends is all the worry that comes with them. It was so much easier when it was just me and Tawny. She was hard enough to look out for as it was. I felt this deep need in me to be able to protect everyone I loved, even knowing it wasn't possible.

As if the stress of worrying wasn't enough though, I had Oliver in general to think about.

I should stay away from him.

I should ignore him.

I should tell him no.

I should focus all of my energies into being the best Newb in this class and kicking my final's butts. It was so much easier said than done though. I tossed and turned every night thinking about his offer. The one he's assured me would still be open should I change my mind about going with him.

The temptation was beyond strong. I could see everything. The whole of it, all of the realms at my fingertips. I could actually experience them instead of reading about them. I wanted that. So badly. But I also didn't want to get in trouble. If we were meant to visit multiple realms in our lifetimes, we all would. We don't though. I should consider myself lucky to have seen two.

But, Gods, every time I'd decided to be mature and stick to what I said to Oliver the last time I saw him, the more I'm torn up. All the reasons I should go just battle the reasons I shouldn't over and over until it's time to get out of bed again.

I could see Tawny again.

I bet she's worried about me too, after the way I left so quickly. I bet she'd be so happy to see me, almost as happy as me. I know I can't though. Oliver said it himself that it was illegal and that he'd stolen the talisman. That wasn't something I needed to be mixed up in.

That's it.

It's decided.

I am not going under any circumstances.

"Um, Mal-pal?"

I jerk to the side, looking up at Yael where he is standing beside my seat. "Huh? Yeah?"

Yael looks around the nearly empty classroom and then back down at me. "Class is over." He points out. "You coming to lunch or planning to stay here contemplating life a bit longer? Because I can wait if you're not done." He grins.

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