I didn't say anything, i just walked away. I was numb and out of tears. I walked home and went right upstairs to lay down in my bed.
I tried to go to sleep, even though i was fully aware it might make things worse, but I didn't want to be awake. Everything inside me hurt. So I drifted off to sleep, right into another dream.
It was almost completely dark, except for a light coming from a corner in the distance. I could see the shadow of someone standing there. From the looks of the silhouette, it appeared to be a man. "Hello?" I shouted. They began to walk towards me, then they stopped instantly. They stood there for about twenty seconds before they began to run towards me. I ran away in fear. The footsteps were growing closer and I could feel them getting closer, but I was out of breath, so I stopped in defeat. I didn't care that I could die, I didn't care that it could be painful. Bradley wasn't in my life anymore, nothing really mattered.
I felt an arm snake around my waist and pull me towards them. I closed my eyes, in fear of what I would see. Then I felt something press against my lips. Someone else's lips. I pushed them away and went to slap them, until I saw their face. "Bradley?" I whispered in disbelief.
"Jenn." he said in relief as he engulfed me in a hug. Tears sprang from my eyes and hit his shoulder as his hit mine, just like when we saw each other on the sidewalk a couple days before.
"How, how are you here? I thought you died."
I said, still clinging onto him.
"I did. I saw this, this warm bright light and as much as I tried to hold on, I couldn't." He pulled away from the hug and grabbed my hands so we could look at each other. "But i heard everything you said, Jenn. And I love you too." I smiled, until I realized that he wasn't alive.
"So, did I just kiss a spirit?" I asked with a laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"Honestly, I don't know. I mean, I'm here and I can feel things, I just can't be with you when you're awake." With his words I remembered I was just dreaming right now.
"So how do I know that this is real? How do I know this isn't just a dream? What if I wake up and I think this is all fake?"I was overwhelmed with sadness once again. Bradley shrugged his shoulders.
Then he started to fade away. "What's happening?" I asked, my voice drenched in concern.
"I think you're waking up." He said, his voice drenched in sadness.
I shook my head in denial. "No, no I don't want to leave you!" I shouted, tears filling my eyes once again. Bradley was almost completely gone now.
"I will see you tomorrow!" he shouted, and with that, I woke up instantly.
I shot up from my bed, drenched in sweat.
It was just a dream. There were no words burnt on my arms, no sign that i actually had a conversation with Bradley. Instead of getting ready for the day, I layed back down. Not to go back to sleep though. That was too painful. Missing him and having fake conversations with him was too painful. So I just layed there, for hours. I didn't sleep, or move, or eat. I just layed there thinking of the thousands of different ways I could have prevented it all. When my aunt or brother would come upstairs to see me I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't even look at them. Every little thing reminded me of him. Every little thing caused me unbearable pain. While days were hard, nights were even worse.
No matter how hard I tried to not fall asleep, I always did. But i didn't have anymore dreams of seeing Bradley. Every night, his death just replayed in my head. Everything had been so perfect just moment before it happened, and i remember every little detail. I remember how his weight fell on me when he was shot, I remember the pain held in his eyes, I remember the ambulance pulling him away from me. Many people would refer to these as nightmares, but they were much more.
In the middle of the night, in the middle of my "dream", I would scream. Not on purpose of course, it just came with the dreams I guess. My aunt would come rushing into the room to wake me, but it would only bring me tears. Charlie ended up having to spend most nights at his friends houses. Jill didn't think he should see me the way I was. I was too tired to care.
The only time I left my room was to use the bathroom. Jill would bring me food, and as disgusting as it sounds, I had no energy to shower. Every time I moved or even breathed I was just filled with unbearable pain. Even when my parents passed away I didn't have this kind of reaction.
I heard the Justin was put in prison, no surprise there. I lost contact with Jack. During the first couple weeks of everything he came to visit every day, but then it turned into every other day, soon after, once a week, then never.
Jill didn't care that I didn't go to school anymore. She tried to get me to but I would always walk to school, then when she left for work I would sneak back in. So she gave up on trying to get me to go.
I was a mess. I was empty. I was broken. And I didn't see it changing anytime soon.
{{End of Book One}}
Okay so y'all are probably confused rn. Basically, I am going to be taking a little break from this book, only a couple weeks though. When I return and start Book 2 (which will still be in this book) it will be the same story, just in Bradleys point of view. We will be going back to chapter one, only this time seeing it through Bradleys eyes. He will have 11 chapters, then there will be three in third person point of view, and that will be the end of the book. Once I finish the book, I was thinking of making it into a short film! There will be more details on that coming out later in the year, probably in june, as I will be filming in summer. I will most likely not be holding open audtions and it will probably just be my friends and I, but it is going to be so much fun! I will see you all in a couple weeks!!
