In a way I've never shown my true self. I always hide behind jokes and smiles, lie that I'm fine, tell people not to worry. Most of all I want to seem strong because I don't want people to see. I don't want people to see how vulnerable I truly am. How if a certain person said a certain thing I could completely break down and go back to being completely numb and silent. Go back to hating the world I've come to love again. I want to show that now. I want to tell how I'm feeling even if no one reads this. I want to look back one last time and go back to see what finally broke me like this and remind myself how little it was fixed but fixed enough to work. I want to write it out so you guys know what the voices in my head have told me. I want some closer. I will write something small every few days like my blurbs and you can just pretend they aren't reality as I have done with them. I know they will probably get really depressing and if you don't like that then just don't read them. I'm sorry if this seems confusing for you, it's confusing for me too.
