Dear world,
The sun rises as the moon sets. This is how I lived my life for the longest. But I wasn't the sun. I was always the moon.
My inner thoughts and depression caused me to stay awake all night, on the internet, distracting (or attempting to distract) myself from reality. Then during the day, all I would do was sleep. I would be making "dinner", when most people were making breakfast.
During the school year, because I was so used to my terrible schedule, I couldn't stay awake in class and instead found myself falling asleep, and waking to the teacher telling me the bell had rung and it was time to go.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. I only knew I didn't like whatever it was. People told me I was just growing and going through changes, but what little friends I did have handled it just fine. I was only In eighth grade at the time, so it wasn't like I had the stress that people had in high school or college. I thought I was crazy, and it caused me to distance myself from other people in my friend group and in my family.
Then I started having weird feelings for my best friend. The one person I never pushed away. She was the most amazing person to me and I adored her. For the purpose of this, I'm going to call her Andi.
Andi was my everything. She knew my life story. She knew my dreams and my fears. She was the only person who knew even my deepest, darkest secrets. One day, after battling eternally with myself for what seemed like years, but was really only months (I was thirteen haha, I decided to write her a letter telling her how I felt. She took it extremely well and I discovered that I liked girls and guys.
At the time, I didn't know the terms or anything about what that meant. I just knew that I loved Andi so much. I wanted to spend my life with her. It meant the world to me to call her not only my friend, but also my girlfriend.
I loved her and I was always secure by her side. But then, three months after we got together, my mom found out. My mom wasn't mean towards me about it, but she wasn't supportive at all. She told me it wasn't okay and that God doesn't want people to have same-sex relationships. She forced me to end it with her and I did. I wrote a three-page (Not exaggerating, I still have it somewhere), explaining that I really did love her, but I couldn't be with her at the time.
Me and her are still great friends and we keep in touch as often as we can. I'm grateful for the months that I did get to spend with her and grateful that I can consider her my friend until the end. Thank you for reading this.
Love, Kimnami234
