Blue Eyes // l.h.

Nineteen

|L A V E N D E R|

Have you ever felt the world stop? I thought I had before, but God was I wrong. I thought I'd experienced the world stopping for me so many times before this, but this is what it feels like. This moment here where we're skin to skin and the heat that radiates off of him burns me, It make me feel like I'm melting. It's how noticeable the size of his hand is around more than half of my neck as he holds me too him and slips his tongue against mine. I want the world to stop like this again and again.

His body is pressed so tightly to mine as if he can't get close enough and through the bliss I can tell he's trying to remember not to crush me while trying to achieve the closeness he desires.  My body is on fire with the knowledge that he wants me to be apart of him, I have to fight with myself not to wrap my arms around his strong torso and crush my body with his.

Then it's all gone.

His skin, the heat, the soft, the rough, the warm, the hard. It's gone. He's standing up once I find the energy to force my eyes open and I have to tell myself not to let him see the frown on my face because he can't think he's that important already. He sticks out his hand to offer to help me up and I take it easily because the contact of his skin is the best feeling i've ever experienced. It's the only thing I can imagine myself being reduced to begging for now that I've had it. Now that I've tasted him. He pulls me up swiftly with the wind blowing past my ears on the way up and then he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and turns to walk towards his bike.

What? No. no no no no no he's not allowed to do this now!

He's already putting his helmet on his head and throwing his leg over the seat of his bike and I have to pick up my feet to get over there quicker because I don't think I'll be able to stand for much longer without his touch after experiencing it so briefly. I haven't had my fill yet.
What is wrong with me?

"You don't let go. Okay." It's the first time he's spoken since he smashed his lips against mine and I want to punch him for having those be the words he lets leave his lips.

"Calm down." Oh so he knows my head is reeling, "Just, Let me think." His tone is low and it shakes me internally, It silences me quickly. Suddenly I don't want to do anything to annoy him and I don't know why, but I know I don't like it, it does't feel like me in the slightest. He kissed me, He doesn't get to think. I do! I can't though. All I can think, all I can see, all I can smell and feel is Him. Him. Him. Him!

"Tighter."

"What?"

'Your hands, Tighter. Now." He revs the engine of his bike the instant my fists curl in the fabric of his T-shirt and my chest receives the heat his body gives off constantly once I'm pressed unavoidably up against him.

Why is he doing this to me? Why can't I think properly? Why does it bother me so much?

Maybe he shouldn't have been my first kiss.

It will always be him.

The bike goes over a bump as we leave the field and my butt jumps off the seat, but I don't tighten my grip on his shirt because I'm too focused on trying to push him out of my mind and the hardness of all he is isn't helping. I can't control my thinking and I want to bash my head against something hard and maybe shake my brain into remembering it's mine and I get to choose what it occupies itself with. At least the wind lulls me, it relaxes me slightly as I watch the trees become a blur as we race by.

He stops a few houses down from mine much too early for my liking. The key is pulled out of the ignition and he stabilizes the bike, but I don't get off because I'm too warm, I like it here too much.