She walked into the shop leaving an ocean of black clouds drifting in the sky above her, it was not exactly cold yet she was wearing as many layers of clothes as her skin could bare, she was unfortunatly blessed with hypothermia but no matter how greenish blue her fingers became she was absolutely against the idea of taking medication to treat it, the same way she refused any other medication whether it was for fever, headaches ,nausea or sadness.
she was marginally panting ,she knew she was tired and it was not only physical its was something heavy and dark preserved deep within her .
Her eyes discreetly drifted along the tables as her nose caught a sweet smell of oranges, fresh cream, And newly baked pies that made her empty lungs come to life along with a twist of disgust in her stomach, she was very hungry and she wondered for a split second, " when did last eat? "short of breath she quickly calculated ,the answer was "35 hours and...
(glancing at the clock on the wall )...... 15 minutes". she sighted in disbelief running her hand over her cheek , it was absurd but it has been like that for a very long time now and she did not seem to care enough to try and change these unhealthy habits .
She walked towards her usual seat dragging her feat like a high schooler on their first day of school, hoping in the back of her mind that her favorite book, the one she carried around everywhere like some kind of lucky charm (not that she considerd it to be because she didnt believe in such things ) didn't get wet by the rain on her way here, she didn't carry it to read it over and over again everyday but only when she felt alone and she seemed to feel that way very often.
the roaring of the wind outside and the tapping of the rain on the shop's windows was strangely soothing and comforting yet it made her eyes sting a little and she swallowed slightly ,she was always on the verge of tears something was happening inside of her but it never came out ,never voiced out not as words nor tears ,not once did she cry she only felt a constant urge to do so .
placing her one hand strapped leather bag next to her, she sat and let out a breath she didnt even know she was holding ,this is what she hated the most about public places well not (hated) more of disliked because hate was a strong emotion and she was incapable of feeling or showing such things not towards something so banal ,or at least that is what she wanted to believe .
And the same way she refused taking medication she refused to stay home, hide and portray as weak, well she tried anyways "at least once a week " she told herself on the days she had to go out and so every time she stood at the entrance of her studio staring at the knob for about half an hour until she could master up the courage to open it and step outside ," its pathetic" is what she thought but she did it regardless.
A few rain drops cascaded down the sides of her bag that was sadly falling apart and peeling all over
"just like me" she mumbled under her breath ,she couldn't bring herself to throw it away, it was her bag,(her bag ) as much as anything could ever be anyone's and she carried it for way too many years to get rid of it now .
"A bird flew across the empty sky
The room is stuffy, almost silent a jolt of pain is spreading on my fingertips I'm hungry, I can't eat, I can't sleep , cruel memories keep replaying in my head, because i allow them to "
The room was too silent it made her want to scream, the way she did waking up every night in cold sweat it was almost like everyone was being silent on purpose just to remind her how lonely she really was, how worthless , she took her notebook again and stared into the blank yellow colored paper she then tightened her grip on her ink pen and placed a sentence in the middle of the page
" I'm here Dying in an Unprinted sadness ,where are you ? . "
Her hands were shaking , "em i cold ?" she mumbled again and in her confusion she flipped the page to write again her vision blurred by the tears that were slowly forming in her eyes they were inevitably going to fall on her hand and the perfect lines of her page, was she going to cry ? "as if!"
A taste of metal crept into her mouth , as a red drop fell over the cursive letters ,she looked at it amazed at how pretty the color was.
She shivered as she felt the warm fingertips run across her jawline pulling her head backwards her eyes widened as she stared at the ceiling
in complete confusion .
The taste in her mouth grew stronger
It was horrible ,she tried to breath but the tissue was blocking her nose ,she awkwardly tried to move
When she felt a hand slightly brushing againt her hair she felt her body freeze her heart pounding in her ears ,her chest heaving as she triedd to control her breathing again .
" You're bleeding don't move"
⚘
Hello my dear readers, first of all I just want to thank you for reading this book It means a lot to me,this was originally a poetry/short story book but it was also a mess made of unfinished sentence and splattered thoughts XD so I decided to fix that and make it into a decent story this is my first attempt at writing this kind of story so I would really appreciate some feedback
that being said I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you enjoy the next one please vote and comment :) 🌹
Much love
R. L
