Merthur

-Bloodstream-

"Arthur..." The silence was deafening, not only was the distance between them too great to bear but space was everywhere, consuming. Arthur could see he had never looked more of a mess, his eyes had those heartbreaking red rims surrounding them showing just how much he had been crying, but it was unfair, they had all been crying after all. "Arthur," His voice was tender and full of an understanding that would never be spoken, "I know-" he choked on his words, the truth was too much for him to bear, "I know how much she meant to you... to everyone, I..." He trailed off to wipe away a tear with his sleeve. He stood before Arthur in a way he never had before; he was raw and uncovered, nothing of laughter or secrets, just Merlin. Arthur was different, he seemed to be surrounded by thousands of walls built from every tension and every lie possible, culminating around him an failing to fall. "Do not tell me what I feel Merlin, don't you even dare when you know nothing of love!" He spat at Merlin and Merlin felt himself crumble and falter that little bit more, "Don't hold a funeral, she- I'll deal with it." Merlin nodded knowing there was nothing more he could say, the formality seemed like such a stupid game to play when they were both so clearly not as the should be yet he couldn't see any way out. "Oh, and Merlin," He paused, "don't come back."

*

Unusually, Elyan was one of the few who seemed to be unable to tolerate the king's closure, of course, he would never say it to his face, but Merlin heard all of the whispered conversations and teary nights when they thought he was asleep. He could never be sure if Arthur knew, he knew Arthur pretended to sleep whenever Gwen was mentioned however he also knew that the king seemed to do nothing but sleep these days. 

The ground seemed bitterly cold and lifeless to Merlin as he lay, not that it wasn't always so but the lighter features of the world seemed to have dimmed ever since that day, the fire was no source of warmth or comfort to him and it crackles seemed all the more sinister. "He's just got to learn to carry on, we're all doing it, it's not like it's easy!" Elyan whispered in a harsh tone, Merlin thought they believed him to be asleep even though he knew it wouldn't matter anyway. "Not now, please Elyan," Gwain muttered sounding surprisingly as down as the rest of them, Merlin could just imagine the veil that would lay over his friend's eyes as he spoke. His words were followed by a sharp clang of metal on metal, at best guess Elyan had knocked something over in his anguish over the king and Merlin cursed to himself as he held back his emotional outburst as best as he could. "When will it be the time, you all protect him, she was my sister! Does he not think I am grieving? She would despise him for how he has treated his kingdom and himself!" His words were sure and fast as if he had practised them before, they made Merlin want to block out every sentence, to deafen himself and never have to hear again if that's what it took. "We are all frustrated Elyan, but the king grieves and we must-" Leon's kind words were cut short by Elyan's protest,

"this is no way to grieve."
beat
"He is just like his father."

The Knights jumped as a strong, sharp wind blew directly through them and into the trees behind, a noise which disguised the sob of anguish coming from the curled up servant who could not have cared less about his magic being found at that moment. He watched Arthur's body rise and fall rhythmically and as the tears silently slid down his face, he wondered... he wondered that maybe they were right, maybe he hated Arthur for what he was doing to all of them... maybe he hated himself for thinking it. As he rested, he could feel Arthur's sadness erupting from him like some kind of aura, everything was just that little bit colder.

*

The castle had suddenly turned from bustling happiness and busy joy to a slow and sombre pace, servants and knights alike stood and whispered in hushed voices, people flinched whenever the king walked into a room as though they were scared not of him but for him. Merlin knew it was wrong, this was not how Arthur's Camelot was meant to be! There was supposed to be light, happiness and, dare he say, magic! It was almost as though he had failed, it was his one job in life to keep Arthur safe and somehow he had let Arthur become his own destruction. The people began to fear him, they all missed her so much but that didn't hide Arthur's mood swings, his bitterness or his lack of care for anyone. It was as though Gwen had been the only thing making him a more positive person, Merlin mentally punched himself... For a while, he had dared to think it was his influence.