Ruined

First Impressions

Eleanor's mother had had a saying that she referred to like the Bible.

 'The only way people like us ever get any luck is when we pray for it.'

Ah, she was always so optimistic.

But, never the one to take her chances, Eleanor had attended church whenever her work hours had permitted it.  Although if she could go, she was exhausted from working the whole night before to even get the morning off, so her memories were permanently hazy. But through the mist of her mind's eye, she could vaguely remember somebody telling her God was 'all-powerful and never made mistakes.' 

But she believed differently; He had made a mistake with her. Why else would he have made her so overly anxious? It was an utterly useless trait most of the time - if not all the time. 

 But she also knew the village priest had answered all of her questions with the phrase 'everything happens for a reason'. So, Eleanor would simply have to trust Him, which was easier said than done.

Her mother had struck her for questioning the priest.

In fact, her mother had often thought her too curious. Eleanor's manners weren't so perfect back then. Before she'd joined the world of work, and learnt not to be so impertinent, she'd went so far as to ask Mama why they were always so hungry, when she'd heard of the Lord and Lady's frequent banquets.  They invited people who had plenty of  food at their own home, yet left those who were hungry out! They wasted so much, and didn't even let the poor root through their bins to get it! They weren't even using it, why did they care so much?

Mama had been very angry with her for that silly speech.

But even through her distaste for the Upper Class, Eleanor had always harboured a foolish dream that her father had never actually died, but been found by a nobleman who'd grown so fond of him that he'd even made her father a Lord. One day, he was going to come for her, and she'd be a Lady, with people to dress her and bring her all the food she could ever eat.

He never did, of course, but the daydream was a welcome distraction from the daily grind. Standing in her place at the factory, her mind had constantly been away with all the dresses she could buy, all the rooms to explore...

She couldn't count the number of times her factory master had cuffed her for the lack of concentration.

Her innocence had swiftly departed when the class system had made itself clear - the evidence apparent in where she was now. In somebody else's house, under somebody else's control.

But focusing on this brought her anxieties to the forefront of her mind.

Although Eleanor had been hired four different times since the age of 9, first days were still worrisome to her. Today was the worst one of all. She'd never been in service before,  or even away from home.

Her mother had always told her she was worthy of more than factory work, she was literate after all! Mama had taken small amounts from everyone's wages to send her eldest brother to school. When they picked all the metal scraps from the Thames bank in spare hours, he'd trace letters and numbers with a stick and tell her all about school. Eleanor had always thought him so very much more intelligent and grown-up than her, despite only being two years older. He was a kind teacher, and had given all to become the man of the household, comforting the younger ones and always trying his best, despite being but a child himself at the time. 

Albeit her education being far from orthodox, Eleanor was a bright girl and had taken to it quickly. Longer words were still difficult, but she could read almost all of the letter of recommendation currently clutched in her hand. If the handwriting was neater, Eleanor was sure she could have sounded them out.