(Old Version) Hopelessly Heroic

seven

When I walked back into the bakery, bruised and bloodied, Ava gasped and asked me a million questions at once. The thoughts clouding my brain kept me from answering her. I couldn't stop thinking about what Willow had said.

*

Her voice was so small, so scared. She looked so vulnerable that I felt my heart breaking, even though her words shocked me.

"What?"

She tried to blink away her tears and stomped her foot like a kid, upset that she was upset at all.

"I didn't think you'd actually do it."

"Willow, I don't know what you mean." I said sincerely, taking a tiny step closer to her.

She scrunched her face up and bit her lip, avoiding my eye in a way I knew she hoped meant that I couldn't see her. Unfortunately, I could.

I watched her steel herself, and then she looked me straight in the eyes, taking a deep breath. "You were supposed to follow me." She told me.

My heart stopped. I blinked. "What?"

Her shoulders sagged, and then she brought one hand up, holding a ball of fire. My eyes stayed focused on that, partly to see where it was going, partly because I couldn't stand to watch if she started crying.

"We were supposed to leave together. Conquer the world together. You weren't supposed to actually go to the cops, June. I mean, I guess I knew you would, which is why I left so quick, but it hurt like hell. You hurt me, June. Do you understand that? You, the hero, hurt me."

"I'm not a hero, anymore."

For some reason, that was all I could think to say. It seemed like the most important part.

"You haven't been a hero for years," She said, and my cheeks heated up. She'd been watching me. "And you still didn't come for me."

The fire in her hand grew, and she held it out toward me. I knew it was a threat, but it looked more like an offering. I almost reached for it.

Choosing to go to the police instead of following Willow had been the hardest decision of my life, but it was clear that there was a good option, and a bad option. At the time, although I ultimately decided to go to the cops, it hadn't really felt like I had a choice. I chose the good option, and it turned out to be bad for me. And, apparently, for Willow as well. That was the worst part.

I wanted to explain it all to her, but before I could open my mouth, I was throwing myself to the side to avoid getting hit by the fire she had been holding. My momentum took me to the ground, and because my back was to Willow, I couldn't see the fire she sparked at me, I just saw it hit the street next to me.

She missed.

My back was to her. She knew I couldn't dodge something I couldn't see coming. It was the perfect opportunity to burn me without a chance of missing, and she missed. I thought back to the beginning of our conversation, when she burned my hair and told me she was 'just checking.' I had brushed it off at the time, too focused on not getting hurt, but now I wondered what exactly she had meant.

What was she checking for? Clearly, she knew I wasn't a hero anymore, so was she checking to see if my instincts were still what they once were? And, when I put the fire out with my hand instead of my water, did she see that they weren't? I hadn't flown above any attacks, or thrown water at her, or hit her back. Was she going easy on me? Willow could pretty much always hit her target. If her target was on the ground, back to her, not moving, it should have been a sure thing. But she had still missed me.

And since she missed me, I had thought about all of this while still knelt on the ground, staring at the spot her fire had burned. She could have killed me by now, and she hadn't even tried.

Slowly, I turned to face her, pushing myself to my feet. She looked nervous, guarded. Her hands were clenched into fists. I knew she could tell what I had been thinking about. I watched her throat move as she swallowed.

"It was just a warning." She defended.

There was a lump forming in my throat. I couldn't stop staring at her.

"I wanted to follow you." I said suddenly, and she took a step back as if I had hit her. "I had to fight myself not to fly straight to your house. The minute you walked away, I knew I didn't want to let you go. I just...I wanted to go with you, but I didn't think I could. I didn't think I had a choice. And then...after I went to the police, you had already left, and then it was too late, and I thought you hated me, so I didn't, like, come looking for you, or whatever, but I wanted to."

She stayed silent.

"And then I quit being a hero because it didn't feel right. Turning you in for nothing didn't feel right. And I realized, if that's what being a hero is, then I don't want to be a hero."

She took a deep breath. I couldn't tell how she felt about what I said.

"Well," She started, "You were right about one thing."

My eyebrows furrowed and I cocked my head, wondering what thing she was talking about.

"I hate you."

*

I convinced Ava not to call the police, and she told me to go home. She told me I had to tell her what happened or she'd just watch the camera footage. I said goodbye and I left. I was half expecting Willow to be in my house when I got there, but I was not surprised that she wasn't. I wondered if she was surprised when I didn't chase after her the day she walked out of my house.