Growing Pains ✔

Chapter 16

Louis took the Friday off work telling Charlotte he could do with a long weekend when in fact he simply wanted to spend some time alone with her whilst the kids were in school. They'd barely had a minute to themselves since she'd told him about the pregnancy, and he knew they'd have to discuss it at some point. And he should probably tell her he'd told Jamie their news. He sighed to himself, lately Jamie had been asking so pretty awkward questions. Lottie really ought to tell him the truth, or at least some semblance of it before Nick got his version of events in first. It sounded very much like he was already trying to.

'Jamie was asking about his dad again,' he said joining Charlotte in the living room. She was laid on the couch watching TV. He lifted her legs up placing them over his knee so he could sit down. 

She turned her face to look at him. 'I honestly don't know what Jamie wants to know.'

'The truth,' Louis said and a shadow fell across her face.

'He doesn't need to know that, he knows we split because we were incompatible, he knows the grounds for divorce were mental cruelty.' She scoffed. 'He doesn't need to know all the gory details.'

'And if he goes and asks Nick?' Even now it was hard for him to say Nick's name.

Charlotte gave a hollow laugh. 'And what's Nick going to say? He won't tell him the truth but he won't dare lie either.'

Louis frowned, he didn't want to worry her but he had to say something. 'I wouldn't be so sure of that Lottie. Jamie told me that Nick said you didn't get back together with him because I came between you both.'

Charlotte laughed again. 'Is he for real? God that man's deluded.'

'Is he?' Louis asked idly running his finger over her stomach.

'I would never have got back together with him,' Charlotte said but her voice was less certain, and Louis could well remember how indecisive she'd been back when she'd first separated from Nick. He knew there was a point when she had been considering a reconciliation. And he also knew that from the moment they'd met up again he'd done everything he could to ensure that didn't happen.

He could still remember the day, six years after they'd split up when he'd ran into Charlotte at John's house. He could remember the bile that had risen in his throat, the bitterness he'd felt as she'd looked up at him and said hello as if they were old school friends. Then John had told him she'd left her husband, and he'd allowed himself to think of other things; of how she was the only girl he'd ever loved, how he'd never had the same connection with anyone else. From that moment on he couldn't stop thinking about her, thinking that maybe they could be friends again. Of course, he'd been lying to himself, he'd wanted her back and even if Nick had been some sort of saint he would still have pursued her. So in a way, Nick wasn't lying but he was sugar coating his role in events.

'But Lottie, if Nick's talking to Jamie about this stuff don't you think you should? You're the injured party, why let him off the hook?' Even now, more than ten years later, it angered him. Every time he saw Nick's smug face he wanted to smash it in but he had to play nicely for Jamie's sake. And Charlotte's. No way would she stand for him throwing his fists about.

'It's water under the bridge now Louis, it's best to leave the past in the past,' Charlotte said sitting up.

Louis nodded. Jamie was her child, he couldn't over rule her. 'You know we're gonna have to talk about this baby we're having at some point?' he said changing tracks.

Charlotte moved away slightly, her face expressionless. 'It's too soon Louis, I could still miscarry so I rather not dwell on it.' 

'You can't pretend it isn't happening, I mean if you were to miscarry....' He remembered back to the first time she'd miscarried with him, and she had reacted remarkably well. She'd said it was one of those things and had proceeded as if nothing had happened. At the time he'd been relieved she'd taken it so well having expected her to be distraught. However, when she miscarried the second time it was as if it hit her twice over. All the feelings she'd suppressed the first time around had come flooding to the surface.

'Louis I'll be fine,' Charlotte said no doubt picking up on what he was thinking. 'Our family is complete, if we have another baby that'll be great but if we don't I won't fall apart.'

'Really?' He couldn't help but be sceptical, for all this wasn't planned he could see how excited she was at the prospect of another baby.

'Yes really. I've got three children to look after, Julia especially won't let me wallow in self-pity.' 

He gave a rueful laugh, that was probably true. However he remembered after the second miscarriage Andrew could only have been around three, and it hadn't stopped Charlotte from descending into deep despair. He'd had to take Jamie to school, and his mom or Charlotte's mom had picked him up. Both grandmothers' had spent hours at the house looking after Andy, fearful that Charlotte was incapable of doing so.

He cleared his throat, choosing his words carefully. 'The thing is Lottie I don't think you can just choose how you will react. I mean last time, are you saying you behaved like that because you wanted to? I don't think you did but you couldn't help yourself.' He knew she'd been utterly miserable, barely eating or taking an interest in anything.

'The circumstances were different then,' she insisted earnestly. 'And I was younger and being self-indulgent. Honestly, I'll manage.' She smiled at him but he wasn't convinced. It had taken a long time for her to come to terms with what had happened, even with the support of her family and friends. He remembered how Darlene would come around every Friday evening with too many bottles of wine, shooing him into the kitchen so Charlotte could cry on her shoulder. It was ironic that just as Charlotte began to accept she'd never have another baby she'd fallen pregnant when they'd gone on a family holiday with Darlene and her family. Fortunately once Julia was born she was content that her family was complete.

Inwardly Louis groaned. 'And when the baby's here? It's gonna be a big adjustment, for Julia especially.' In many ways the timing couldn't be worse, the age gaps between all the kids were too big.

'Julia will have to get used to not being my little girl anymore,' Charlotte said sounding wistful. 'But she might like a baby, you know it'll be like a real live doll. She might surprise us.' Louis shook his head, he couldn't imagine anything but tantrums ahead. 'Anyway, I don't want to think too much about it. I'm not quite three months yet.'

'Your other miscarriages had all happened by now,' Louis reminded her.

'I know but that doesn't mean we can take anything for granted. Other things could go wrong, believe me.'

Louis nodded, he knew she was alluding to Caroline, the baby she should have had all those years ago. And if Charlotte had had that baby then she would never have left Nick. The irony was not lost on him.

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