Not His Girl

Chapter 6

3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours and 43 minutes has passed since the last time I saw her or have seen Doruk. I kept going to the same field but Doruk never showed up, she didn't allow him to.

But it is this day that I'm sure we would definitely meet no way around. It is the date of his death. The death of her beloved one.

I park my car a few yards away from the cemetery and watch a group of people dressed in black gather in front of the cemetery gate. The men go inside while the women watch from outside. I get a little closer, taking shelter behind a huge tree so I could see the people clearly.

And then I spot him, my little friend, Doruk, he stands next to a woman holding a bouquet of flowers. He tugs on her dress but she doesn't react. He stands in front of her now and questions "mommy?" his voice slightly above whisper enough for me to hear. And again she doesn't reply. I think about walking up to her but then I change my mind and stay in my place to wait for this whole thing to pass.

Thirty minutes pass before the crowd starts clearing out. And five minutes later the two people left are Suzen and Doruk. I notice Doruk leaving his mom and running across the land trying to catch a butterfly and I take that as my signal to walk.

I approach her slowly, my hands in my pocket and my heart in my stomach. Damn it! I'm nervous! I stand close to her and keep my mouth closed. I don't want to break these moments of peaceful silence. To be honest, being close to her was enough, and I couldn't ask right now for more, though I will.

One, two, three seconds pass and she notices my presence. She averts her eyes to look at me and I wish she doesn't. Her eyes are watery, her cheeks strained with tears and her lips are trembling. The way she looks makes my heart squeeze in pain. It is painful to see her like this and I can't help myself but bring my arms around her and hold her close. Fix her broken pieces.

She stays quiet, motionless. The only sound I could here right now is our heartbeats blended together. I love  this sound, I always did, it makes me feel relaxed. I wonder if she loves it too.

I stroke her hair and whisper "cry and let it all out. Don't bottle it up." As these words leave my mouth I can feel her body start shaking, seconds later she is crying. Clutching my shirt and crying like the whole universe is coming to an end, like her world has toppled down. She is in pain, and her pain is damn deep. But before anything else happens, she backs away, leaving my body cold and in need for her. She wipes her tears with the back of her hand and speaks, the letters heavy on her throat "stay away from me, I hate you."

Her words stab me a hundred times, I wish I had died before hearing these words come out of her mouth. It is like getting run over by a truck but worse. Like getting hit with a lightning but worse.

She walks away from me, and goes looking for Doruk. I watch as she finds him and leads him to the car. I don't just stop here, I move. I go toward my car and follow them.

There is no going back. She'll be mine.