She had no idea how she made it back to the house without being seen, had no idea how she found her way upstairs without drawing attention, had no idea how her body seemed to work when her brain and heart were at such odds:
"Leave!" her brain cried.
"Stay!" her heart begged.
She fumbled forward, at a loss, at an impasse, at a roadblock, at an insurmountable, unbeatable, unmovable wall.
She blames you, her brain protested.
This is Camila, her heart reminded her. No matter how much she's hurt you, there is a reason you're best friends, a reason you fell in love, a reason you two trust each other explicitly (lies, lies, lies now, for even if those reasons existed, she couldn't seem to recall them).
She is breaking you, her brain warned.
She has always put you back together, her heart argued.
Leave! (Stay.)
Stay! (Leave.)
Lauren got to the bathroom, locked the door, turned on the faucet, and gripped the edge of the sink, staring at herself in the mirror. She seemed pale, dark shadows beneath her eyes, cheeks stained with tears. (Leave! Stay!)
When you needed her she was gone. She is shredding your heart. Protect yourself. Cutting off ties is far less painful than this charade, this train-wreck, her brain suggested.
Two wrongs don't make a right, her heart exclaimed. If you don't like a behavior, you don't do it too.
Leave, her brain pressed. Protection is key. Fight or flight, and the time for fighting has long since passed.
Stay, her heart stressed. This isn't Camila. This isn't the girl you love. Talk to her. Tell her the entire truth. If you're holding back, then why can't she be?
Stay! (Leave.)
Leave! (Stay.)
Lauren looked away from her reflection as a sob escaped her, as she bent forward, holding her middle, trying to prevent a panic attack, trying to stem the pain, trying to ignore her brain and her heart because they were the reasons she was even in this mess.
Her heart beat for Camila.
Her brain made her think that was okay.
(It had been easy, loving Camila. It had been safe, sure, sweet. It had been easy, loving Camila. So when did it become so hard, so twisted, so prickly, so wrong?)
She's selfish, her brain whispered. Look at what she's done.
Lies, her heart murmured. Lying to yourself is not the way.
There was nothing there in the first place. No love. No affection. You were barely friends, her brain continued.
Lies! Lies, her heart bellowed. You didn't pull those reasons out of thin air. What you felt was real and true. Remains real and true.
(What were the reasons? What, what, what?)
"Lauren?" A knock. Normani's worried voice.
Ignore it, her brain hissed.
Open it, her heart advised. (Open what?)
"Lauren. Let me in." Normani's voice was sterner, tougher, surer. (Leave! Stay! Ignore! Open!)
She turned away from the sink, stared at the lock, and then, tremendously tentatively, she unlocked the door and let it swing open. Normani took one good long look at her before stepping in and closing the door, locking it once more.
YOU ARE READING
For You ... -Camren
Fanfiction" For you .. i'd blur the lines between the truth and the lies " loving her ... ohh loving her was so easy untill i wanted nothing more than to hate her .
