My Way

 I looked at myself in the mirror and OH GOD, I looked horrible! My mascara and eyeliner were all smudged. I didn’t like to admit it to myself, but I seriously have let myself go.

I got up, feeling numb  ( as usual ) ,put on my pink juicy couture sweatpants and a large white shirt and decided to go for a run. I took my dose of caffeine for the day with my routinely breakfast – French toast. I could see Mariah the maid, smiling at me, I know.. it was obviously a miracle that I had gotten out of bed. Yes,I barely get out of bed now and I don’t see people either, I’ve never been too fond of the human species, but today was a new day, a bright and sunny day where I’ll just run to get things off my mind instead of the misery that has taken over me.

I took out my sparkly pink i-pod and put my headphones on. Life off, it was just me and my music now. I ran while listening to Frank Sinatra’s my way, which just seemed ideal. Then, the stupid shuffle decided to play breathless and I just stopped took a deep breath and the tears streamed down my face. STUPID SHUFFLE! I let myself think about him for one second and quickly turned off the song.

I'm walking home with no music, there’s always a chance for a new day tomorrow, today was just not it. I walked in and I saw Mariah staring at me and shook her head in disapproval. I couldn’t talk or even listen at this point. I ran to my room, closed the curtains, tucked myself into bed. It’s what I did now; I just fall asleep to escape the world and people’s pity eyes.

I woke up to the sting of sunlight burning my eyes.

"Get up! I’ve left you to grieve for a while, but this is just becoming too pathetic. GET.UP.NOW!"

I hissed at Sam and pulled the covers over my face. That certainly didn’t stop her. She shoved me out of bed on the floor.

"HEY! THAT WAS JUST MEAN!"

"Honey,  I am mean and life is unfair. Now, get your ass up and get dressed We’re going out tonight whether you like it or not."

I was just about to start arguing with her but she just walked outside of the room, shouting behind her, you have exactly 30 minutes or I’ll have to dress you myself.

Huuuuhhhh, there was no point in arguing with this girl.

I got up, put on my white Dolce & Gabbana blouse and my Calvin Klein jeans. He always told me I looked sexy in that outfit & that’s when I broke down into tears again & let myself  cry for 10 minutes since I won’t be able to in public, Yes.. Just get it out of your system .. I could hear Sam climbing up the stairs so I quickly ran to the bathroom and washed my face.

She came in and glared at me with those wide sea-blue eyes." Honey, please put make-up on. You look too pale for your own sake."

I did what she said and followed her down the stairs silently.

We drove in her black S500 Mercedes, me and Sam work in the same company. We’re both head of our sections, so it wasn’t surprising that we lived a luxurious life with all the money we got. Well, that was before I quit. 

We sat in our normal booth and I ordered tequila shots.

"You’re drinking now?"Sam stared at me.

"Can you blame me?"

Sam, rolled her eyes and we both sat in silence for 10 minutes, that was until the rest of the people showed up. They all looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes, it made me want to cry even more.

Angelia was just about to say Soor.. when Sam gave her a little pinch. This is why I hated people now !

I couldn’t wait for this night to be over and just return back to my chocolate ice-cream and a walk to remember movie. Believe it or not , I actually was once the fun and out-going girl, but things change and time changes people.

I started off with ceaser salad, ate myself to pepper steak and had a chocolate muse for dessert. They all looked at me in shook, I couldn’t blame them, I used to be the girl who ate no carbs to keep in shape and now look at me.& plus I hadn’t uttered one single word since we sat.

Angela interrupted my thoughts. 

“ Your birthday is in a week, right? What are you planning to do?”

I nearly spat my food.

"Yes, I’m not planning on doing anything" , I said while smiling shyly at her.

Oh great, that’s what I needed, my fucking birthday coming up?

10 minutes later, we exchanged kisses and goodbyes.

This is when I started to smile, the night was finally over !

"Did you have a good time?"

I nodded… "it..was..pleasa.."

I didn’t even have time to finish the sentence when Sam stepped on her breaks suddenly and made me bump my head into the window.

"ARE YOU MAD WOMAN? YOU COULD’VE GOTTEN US KILLED FOR GODS SAKE."

“Now, that’s the Emily I know.”she teased. I just rolled my eyes at her.

"I want to talk to you Em , I miss you!"

"I miss you too", nearly whispering . I’ve drifted away from my friends and I know it, but it’s just too hard for me right now.

"Come back. It’ll be better for you, at least you’ll do something useful than lying in bed crying all day. You were great at your job & everybody loved you. Think about it, please."

"Peter told you to talk to me right", I said with a cold voice. Peter was our boss, who called me about 5 times a day to check on me and tell me I still have a chance to come back. People could be so annoying sometimes!

Sam looked at me and for the first time, she really did seem worried." Emily this is not healthy , it’s been 6 months , you need to get yourself back together. I know we never talk about this , but.."

Before she could finish the sentence, I replied with a harsh tone, with tears in my eyes, "you think 6 months is a lot? I was married to the man for 6 damn years and you think me crying over him for 6 months is a lot? I miss him all the time, every second of every day, I know he doesn't deserve my tears- but i'm hurting and crying makes me feel better."  Now my voice was starting to break and I could feel the tears rushing down my cheeks.

“ I know it’s hard , trust me I do.” She said as she hugged me. That’s the thing about Sam; she didn’t talk a lot but always had the perfect words to say.

"Think about coming back to work please." Sam nearly pleaded.

"Fine! "I rolled my eyes and nearly smiled, that was the first smile I had smiled in 6 months. God, I missed my best-friend!

We sat the rest of the ride in silence, with Mariah Carey’s My all playing in the background. When we finally reached I felt like skipping to the door, seriously, I have never been this happy before to go back home.. Now, I sounded really pathetic. All I could think right now is heading to bed with my ice-cream and movie, it couldn’t get better than that.