Thorn Year (가시연) (ENG)

(여우의 요람 ) Fox's Cradle: Sequel - CHAPTER 3

We were all getting used to each other in our daily lives.

Just a few days ago, we had a huge row over A-hyun's home tutoring.

I must have sounded hysterical as we both raised our voices, because the child opened the door and peeked in to see what the commotion was about. It was the first time she saw us fighting, so she looked a little terrified. But who wouldn't be if they saw two grown men screaming at each other as if they were tearing down the house with their voices?

She seemed to have realized something new about us. But it didn't happen when we were affectionately displaying our love in front of her; only when she saw me argue with Yunho, stubbornly refusing to back down, did I notice her frank stares. It gave me goosebumps.

A-hyun's tutor is a 33 year-old madame, introduced by Jinho-hyung's wife, and she started teaching A-hyun from the age of 4. She has no children of her own, though the truth is that she couldn't have children because she miscarried thrice. She said that when the doctor broke the news to her, she was so angry that she wanted to rip his throat out. Unlike her strong exterior, she was someone who had suffered and understood pain, like me. Perhaps we could have been friends, because we were both people who couldn't give birth even if we wanted to. I'll admit though, that I might have judged her too quickly after hearing her story.

Yunho decided to continue to employ her after considering this fact too, because he pitied the fact that she's a woman, born with a womb, and yet she couldn't have children. The only thing he was worried about was that she might be unusually prone to jealousy around A-hyun. The first time I talked to her, I felt a little guilty.

"It was the same for me at first. A-hyun must be really scared of strangers! She would hide behind her father or her aunt and refused to even look at me."

"I can't grow close to that child at all." "Why do you say that...?"

I couldn't possibly tell her the truth about that incident, so I made up an excuse.

"That child is a bit... gloomy. By nature."

Seeing my serious expression, she laughed and dismissed my comment as a joke. But really, a child's feelings are written all over their faces. She might not have seen it, but I used 'depression' to build a fortress and close myself off from the rest of the world.

"I'd say it's maturity. After all, children from single-parent families tend to mature early."

A-hyun stood by the door after she finished cleaning her room. Her shadow was dark and dense.

Yes, the child never had a mother. From the moment she was born, she was already all alone, for as she cried for the first time her umbilical cord was already beginning to grow cold. She's better off without a mother like that, better off without seeing her bloodied corpse. Her mother simply received her punishment for lusting after something she shouldn't have underestimated.

Are you trying to blame me, by saying that a child who grew up without a mother would be gloomy? Did you sense my guilt, even though you don't know anything?

No, stop this. The fire in my heart is burning up again. I can't be this weak - even if I am, I can't let him detect my weakness. For him. I shut my eyes tightly.

I suppressed the words that were on the tip of my tongue, and sent her off. "Isn't it great that A- hyun is no longer living alone in this big house? With uncle here, you won't feel bored anymore right?" She pinched the child's cheeks lightly and waved goodbye.

The 'uncle' she was referring to was nothing but a construct by his family. Although I'm not happy with living under this borrowed identity, I don't want to be referred to as A-hyun's mother either.