The Memoir Man

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Dearest Cassius,April 4, 1999

This is possibly the very last time you will ever see my handwriting, let alone my face.  What they told you is true: I am dead.  No one can change that, not you and certainly not me, nor that god you may believe in, but I do not.  I am writing this letter not because of my so called undying love for you or for you to avenge my name or my cause to the world.  Nothing heroic; some may even call it cowardly.  I am writing to you as a warning.

Some may call me crazy or insane or paranoid.  This is my reality.  I’m not crazy or insane or paranoid, despite what anyone says.  Cassius, I was murdered.  I was murdered by a dark man with a dark soul.  Everything about his being is black and empty.  He has no one yet he has everyone.  He dictates every single one of them.  Every one of them, except you, my dearest Cassius.  He’s written about you, in his library of scrolls.  He’s dipped his pen in ink countless times and yet you refuse to seize.  You keep living.  He’s coming for you, darling.  He’s coming for you soon.  He will do whatever it takes to get ahead of you.

The necklace I gave you; never let it leave your neck for it truly is the Key.  My dear boy, never let it escape your grasp.  No one knows why or how he cannot control you.  He is the closest thing this world knows to a god.  He is a terribly terrible and wonderful god and overseer of this earth you walk.  I have my suspicions about who will be next.  Two thousand years can take a toll on a ruler.  He started off not talking too much, just the same as you, you know.

A knife inscribed with secrets of the past and future will lead you on your journey.

Sincerely,

Aspen Moon

Cassius knew two things for certain of his mother: her name and her handwriting.  Both matched the description of the letter.  He knew he shouldn’t believe what the note said.  He knew he should discard his mother as a lunatic and move on.  

Something kept him hanging onto those words.  The phrases and sentences that grabbed at his mind and at his heart.  They meant something.  They held some truth, no matter how twisted a form it came in.  Cassius was going to unravel all of the dents and rivets in that letter if it killed him.  He was going to learn about his mother no matter what the price.  And he was going to start right now.

While his eyes rapidly glanced over each and every paper in sight, searching for the tattered old envelope that held the prize he had been looking for.  Hours upon hours he had searched; his body begged for rest, but his mind refused to seize its search.  While he looked for the telltale red seal, his thoughts wandered elsewhere; to a land of memories and ideas, broken dreams and lost hopes.  This is his domain.

--

I am alone, thinks a young and distraught Cassius, Never to be loved by a soul.  No comforting hand comes to rest on his shoulder and no soothing voice eases his raspy sobs.  After the years of love and care he had been given, she had finally passed.

His dark overcoat and too-long black hair rustle in the wind while a storm threatens to emerge.  The red roses lying on her grave are the only dash of color in sight.  The stone is sleek and shiny, payed for by one of the far off, wealthy relatives no one really knew of.  The expensive substance of the stone is one that couldn’t be payed for by Cassius.  Her name is carved in a clear, precise font, stating only the vital information; no heartfelt message.

His grandmother was the only person he had left–the one and only person on this planet that loved him just as much as he loved her.  After his mother had died her tragic death, his grandmother took him in without a second thought.  The only one that hadn’t scoffed at his ways of living.

Memories flooded his mind; her notorious smell of rosemary and cigarette smoke, the red velvet couch they had hunkered down on during the rainiest of days with a good book, and the little cat she had bought for him which he had named Companion, simply for the fact he had no other.

The rain sprinkles down now, but the lonely little boy seeks for no cover.  He lets the rain blend with the tears and wash away all of his sadness.  Cassius thought no harm in pretending for the shortest of moments that the droplets from the sky could ease the pain.

Cassius screams into the sky with such force, the birds flee the trees.  While his knees buckle the tears flow harder from his red and swollen eyes.  Hours he has sat here next to the only family he had, wondering what he would do next, waiting for someone–anyone to help him in his quest for happiness, relief.

That night, Cassius had slept in the mud and filth next to his grandmother.  He did not care about anything else but her. Come back to me, he thought, come back.  Although he knew his wish could not possibly come true, he had himself convinced she would come back–all in good time.

Sometime around midnight, the groundskeeper saw the helpless, shivering lump that was Cassius Moon and covered his body with a wool blanket.  Right when he was about to leave the boy in peace, he heard him mumbling something about his grandmother coming back to him.  An empathetic smile reaches the man’s lips before he turns and walks away into the blackest of nights.

--

He had found what he had been looking for.  The red seal still broken and the envelope still smelling of mildew and must, with a hint of his mother’s perfume.  A grim look crosses his face as he sees the corner of the letter sticking out.  He needed to find what was troubling him day and night so he could finally be at ease.

Time to get started, he thinks absentmindedly.  Cassius skims over the note a few times before ideas of new thought processes occur to him.  He fumbles aimlessly with the paper, turning it over and over, folding it this way and that until he could hardly see the original crease.  Rules of physics and mathematics buzzed around in his head, but to no avail.

For hours he tries theories and methods to unlock the code of the seemingly simple note.  There has to be something, anything at all, thinks Cassius, Anything.  Refusing to give up on this puzzle, but thinking rest is a good idea, he gingerly lays himself onto the slim bed, not wanting to disrupt the endless supply of papers strewn across the room.  Finally, after spending day and night awake, Cassius can close his eyes.

Sleep does not come easy, and when it does, he tosses and turns with discomfort.  He has to unlock the secret, he has to.  His stomach churns with the wild dreams that never fail to make him sick.  Gruesome images and graphic displays flash across his eyes for the few hours he can stay asleep.  When he awakens, a fine layer of sweat envelopes his entire body.  His restless mind insists on getting back to work.

For a minute, he stares blankly at the words in front of him.  They all seem to blur together and clash into one another.  He cannot focus.  His vision blurs and all he can see is his mother, staring at him.  She has an ugly look on her face of disgust and disappointment.  When he can see nothing but a pinpoint, he notices what he has been looking for all along.  An ink splatter, no bigger than the size of a fingernail, lays in the corner of the aging paper.  I see, Cassius declares to himself.  I have unlocked the puzzle.