Indefinitely - Armin X Reader

Chapter 23 | Warmth

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After the funeral fires

I was one of the last people to leave the courtyard, as the others eventually grew tired of standing out in the cold, guilt buffeting at them as the flames died down. I stayed by Connie's side for a long while, not wanting to leave the closest friend I had at that moment; his presence was one of the only things keeping me from breaking down due of the tremendous amount of grief I was currently being subjected too. It was only after he pulled away, standing up with a solemn expression and a tight, empathetic hug, that I had to force myself out of the crouch that had turned my joints to stone. With a muffled groan I finally stood up, glancing over at Jean who was still staring at the flames. His forlorn figure was no more than a ghostly silhouette against the coal black sky pockmarked with stars, his back and his jacket's once hope inspiring symbol glowing in the dying light of the fire which made him stand out against the darkness. I walked up to him, putting my arm around his back. He was the last person left outside. 

"You should go inside now Jean..." I said softly. "It's really late."

His gaze met mine, and he nodded stiffly, however his legs didn't move. I wondered how long he had been standing there, lost in his grief to the point that he wasn't aware of his surroundings anymore.

"C'mon." I encouraged, pulling gently until he was forced to step forward. As we started walking, I offered him my hand, and he held onto it intensely. I led him towards the boys barracks wordlessly, and stopped outside; it was forbidden for girls to enter. 

"Goodnight Jean..." I sighed, giving him one last hug before going to leave, but he held on tightly. I wondered exactly who he had left to turn to now, with his best and most understanding friend gone. I guess it was me. 

"You know where I'll be if you need me." I reminded him, and he let go, turning towards the door. "I'm always here for you, y'know." 

He glanced at me shortly, eyes red rimmed. "I know." 

His voice was low and strained; it hurt my heart. 

"It'll be okay, Jean." He didn't answer. 

As I walked away, my thoughts drifted back to the boy's barracks, particularly to a certain blond who I knew would be feeling as fucked up as me, even potentially more so considering the hand he played in today's events. 

I snuck into my room as quietly as I could, traveling to my bed which happened to be located in the middle of the room, quickly shedding my uniform and trading it for an oversized shirt and shorts, slipping under my covers with a grimace. The bruises and scrapes I gained today were now making themselves now. My ribs and hips still ached from being grabbed, however the thought of it reminded me of Marco, who had saved me, and I whimpered. I pulled the thick cloth up to my chin, rolling over and curling into a ball, biting my lip as the teas that I thought had been exhausted returned to my eyes. The only thing that I allowed to escape my lips was a muffled whine. 

I think now that even if I had managed to fall asleep, I never would've stayed that way. Girls were in and out of the room, but unlike other nights, Shadis didn't noisily escort them back. Perhaps he found an inch of empathy deep within his shriveled heart and decided to give us a break and allow us to go back and forth between our cold beds and the bathrooms to cry and throw up. Perhaps he was asleep, the events of the day having an effect on his worn body. Or perhaps even he was trapped in grief, as the children he had mentored these past three years were either now dead, or scarred.