Existing in Radiance

Epilogue | Hogwarts, May 2 1998

“Because maybe, in a way, we didn't leave it behind nearly as much as we might once have thought. Because somewhere underneath, a part of us stayed like that: fearful of the world around us, and no matter how much we despised ourselves for it--unable quite to let each other go.” 
― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go

Epilogue

Hogwarts, May 2nd 1998

 

        Dusk fell on the grounds of Hogwarts, the slight darkness making it look almost normal from afar. The twins sat on courtyard steps, looking down at the road they had walked with their mother countless times.

“I guess we’ll have to bury her.” Sonia whispered, reaching blindly for her brother’s hand. It had been years since she’d done something like that, been intimate with him in a different way than talking in low, hushed voices.

Andrew didn’t like the idea of putting Hazel underground, not after all this time of her trying to stay up. “I guess.”

“In Godric’s Hollow maybe – with the Potter’s. Mamma would like that.”

Andrew didn’t want to talk about their mother’s funeral.

“And we should have peonies – Mamma always loved peonies. Winston could grow them.”

Andrew didn’t want to put peonies on his mother’s grave. He would never be able to look at peonies again.

“Sonia, I don’t really want to talk about all this.”

Deflating a little, she dropped his hand – but Andrew took it in his. He always thought of Sonia being taller than him, even though he knew she was tiny, delicate even with her baby bump and the glow that came with it.

“I just … I want to think about how she was, not how we have to bury her.”

“Okay – sorry, Andy.” Biting her lip, Sonia squeezed his hand “Andy?”

“Yeah?”

“If I have a girl, I’m not going to name her Hazel.”

This surprised Andrew somehow; he’d have thought that’s what children did when their parents died. “Why not?”

“Because I don’t deserve it.” She said simply “You were always the good one, the one who loved her all the time, no matter what. You looked after her, and I never did. She …” Sonia’s lips trembled as she faltered “She loved you more.”

“Sonia!” he cried “That’s not true. Mamma loved us equally – if she hadn’t she would never have stuck with you for so long.”

Sonia laughed through the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. “But really, I know you’ll probably have kids – more than one, too – so you … you take it.”

Andrew smiled “Okay, if you really want me to.”

“I think I’ll have a boy anyway,” she said “Though I think Charlie secretly wants a girl.”

“Any name ideas?” he asked.

She shrugged “I can’t name a person I’ve never met. We’ll both have to wait and see.”

They were quiet for a few moments, but Sonia broke the silence after a while.

“She never answered me,” she said, the realization hitting her “When I said ‘see you soon’. She knew Andrew – she knew we’d never see her again.”

Looking over at his sister, Andrew sighed “Mamma always knew what she wanted, I guess…maybe this was better than Voldemort killing her? Better than old age?”

“She never thought she’d make it to forty,” Sonia said quietly “I heard her tell Remus that once, when we were little. I guess she was right.”

The stars were coming out when Andrew and Sonia got up, knowing their mother was finally at peace – her mind was her own, and her children were safe. It was all she had ever wanted.

End of Book Two

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A/N: Well, that's that then. On to the next book!

I wanted to thank you all, for following Hazel in her life from start to finish. As for the quote at the beginning, I was re-reading 'Never Let Me Go' and I wrote that bit down, because it reminded me of Hazel and Severus - they tried so very hard to forget the darkness that surrounded them, to just love each other (or in Severus' case, try to love when really he loved someone else) and be together. They were so afraid, and part of them would always be afraid. A part of Hazel would always love Severus, be the fearful child she once was. Severus would always love Lily, always try and love Hazel because she was there and ready and waiting - but he couldn't. And that's the way it was.

Final question for Existing in Radiance : What has been your favorite think about either both books combined, or just this one? I'd love to know.

See you all in the next book, I'll be posting a teaser soon.

What a wild ride this has been.

Rose<3