Almost Broken: Carl Grimes fanfic

Chapter 33

Carls POV
Staring at the ceiling, I try to remember my moms last words to me, and its calming, yet depressing. Telling me I'm strong enough. I'm going to beat this world. If it feels easy, don't do it, not to let this world spoil me... I feel that I've let her down. Ive let Hershel down. I've let Dale down... I've let Sophia down.
With the morning sun shining through Beth's old bedroom, I listen to the heartbreakingly beautiful silence. The peace, the calm, the restfulness in the air is so breathtaking... I wish Rylie was next to me to share this moment with... But she's not, and the way this is all going, she never will be again.
I hear a knock at the door and I quickly sit up, not getting to say a word because the door flies open anyway. Rylie's brownish green eyes find mine and I can tell she's at a loss for words.
"I- I was j- I don't really- I... Uhm, sorry." She stutters and turns around, walking out of the room and closing the door behind her. I'm confused when she does this but then I realize I have my boxers and no shirt on...
I throw a clean shirt on (at least as clean as a shirt can get in the ZA.) and pull on my cargo pants and run out the door.
What was she going to say? Was she even going to say anything or did she just open a random door in hopes for an empty room?
"Rylie!" I catch her before she goes down the stairs. She anxiously turns around and looks at me, pursing her lips together.
"Yes?" She asks, waiting for me to continue.
"I.. What did you need?" I ask and she just kind of stares into my eyes, so I continue.
"When you went into the room?... Just a second ago?" I press on.
"I don't remember..." She says, still staring right into my eyes as if she's trying to look at something.
"Oh.." I look away from her and that breaks her trance. "Okay then.." I turn and walk back to the room, and I hear her footsteps back down the stairs.
God what is wrong with me?! Why is this so damn difficult?
Michonne opens the door to my room and says nothing. All I do is sit up as she sits beside me, a comfortable silence fills the room.
"She doesn't remember Daryl either." Is the first thing Michonne says. I look up at her.
"Yeah," she nods. "He's taking it hard. We just have to be patient with her okay? She'll remember eventually-"
"And if she doesn't?" I interrupt her.
"If she doesn't then... We can't keep continuing to act like she is. We have to accept that she doesn't remember anything and we have to move on, fill her in on things, and just create new memories."
"I don't want to create new memories. She remembers her old life. The one before all of us. She remembers Hallie, her mom, her dad..."
"And we can't do anything about remembering us Carl." Michonne says abruptly. I take a deep breath and bite the inside of my cheek, trying not to cry. I nod my head and stand up.
"Where you going?" Michonne asks, standing up and following me out the bedroom door.
"Just.. Getting breakfast." I mumbles and head down the stairs, straight to the kitchen.
My dad and Daryl are already eating something, so I decide just to get some cereal.
"Where's Rylie?" I ask when I notice she's not in here.
"Her and Lauren went to talk. I'm sure they'll be back soon." Dad says.
Of course she's talking to Lauren. Lauren is a girl, her age that can probably get through to her better than any of us probably could. I hope Lauren is okay too. She was still pretty cut and bruised up last night. She never did tell us what happened to her... Maybe she'll tell us tonight, or maybe tomorrow. That brings me to another question of my own; how long are we going to stay here?
I shake the questions off, knowing my dad won't want to answer them at the moment. I stand up and head outside... Straight to where Sophia is. I sit down right in front of her grave, and mess with blades of grass in front of me.
I wish everything would just go back to the way it used to be. Before the apocalypse. I would still have mom here. Judy might or might not have still been here. No one would've died the way they had. Sure, I might not have met some of the amazing people that I met like Michonne, but at least we wouldn't be forced to live in a world where death surrounds us at each corner. Hershel would still be here, with his family. He'd be with his wife, his step son, Maggie, Beth, Patricia, Otis... Their whole family would still be here, happy and hopefully healthy but instead, they're all either dead or possibly dead. God. How could I have been such a monster to mom? I was an awful person, just-
"Hi." Someone sits down beside me and I realize that it's Rylie. I bring my knees up just so I can rest my arms on them.
"Hi." Is all I say back, not wanting to make her mad or anything like she seems to be doing so easily these days. She presses her lips together and looks down at her hands.
"So I was talking to Lauren." She continues.
"Yeah?"
"Mhm."
"And what'd you talk about?" I ask, knowing that's where she was going with it anyway.
"Same thing you all have been. I still think y'all are crazy as shit but you know. I'm just waiting for my chance to get out of here." She shrugs, looking up at Sophia's grave and just squinting her eyes.
"If you wanna get out of here so bad then why are you talking to me? Aren't I just the craziest one?" I joke just a bit but at the same time it's serious.
She chuckles and shakes her head.
"Might as well talk to the cutest guy here. Gotta entertain myself somehow."
"So I'm cute?" I raise an eyebrow at her. She laughs and punches my arm, causing me to chuckle to. This feels like the old Rylie again. But I know it's not.
"Oh hush. Apparently we're dating." She laughs, and I try to but it gets to me. She notices and stops laughing.
"I'm sorry. I'm trying to remember. Lauren told me that I should at least try so I am. But nothing. It's like I look at all of you and just..." She makes a fart noise and motions her hands like an explosion towards her head. "And I'm sorry but this whole apocalypse shit is kinda freaking me out. Y'all keep saying stuff about it but... I just can't see it." She says and shrugs.
"Yeah well you're a lucky one if you can't remember." I say but I can't figure out how much truth is in my words.
"But you do... Don't you?" She says and looks at me, big eyes and all and I can't help but get this.. Feeling inside that makes me like her all over again... Despite the fact that she is still old Rylie, only.. Not.
"Yeah. All of it."
"Well I'm sorry." She looks back at Sophia's grave.
"Who's is this?" She asks and points to it. I was hoping to have this conversation with old Rylie but I guess this will have to do..
"Sophia. She would've been our age." I say and look down at my hands.
"What happened to her?" Ry asks and starts playing with blades of grass. I don't answer but instead look over at her with that look that says "you could guess" and she rolls her eyes. I'm assuming she gets the whole "walker" thing, but just doesn't believe it.
She presses her lips together and stands up.
"I'm going back inside. You wanna come with?" She asks and holds her hand out for me to grab. The only reason I do is to see if she'll remember that that's what we always do... But she doesn't. Or at least she doesn't say anything.
"I guess I should go talk to that Daryl guy." She says.
"You should." I laugh.
"He kind of scares me.." She mumbles, then chuckles.
"He's kind of intimidating but. He's really just a big teddy bear." I say, repeating the words from the first time I had talked about Daryl to her. She smiles but looks me in the eye, a flicker of recognition in her eyes but then it's gone.
"Carl I..." She stops mid sentence and my whole body is itching to hear the rest of her words. I absentmindedly take a step towards her, my hand moving to her wrist and she breaks her stare to look down at my hand. I take my hand away slowly, and look back up to her eyes, which have turned to a beautiful dark green, and she stares at mine.
"Your eyes..." She mumbles. She tries to hide a smile. "They turn colors.." She whispers, sun beating down on her back, giving her a golden halo and she looks beautiful.
"They do?" I crinkle my nose a bit, our bodies only about a foot away for each other.
"Yeah.. Little flecks, of dark blue inside the light blue." She bites her tongue in amusement. I look into her eyes, but they're still distant. I purse my lips and take a deep breath, looking down at my feet.
"Carl.. I'm trying." She says, lifting my head up to look at hers.
I can't find my voice but I mouth the words "I know" to her.
The rest of the day is slow. Ry talked to Daryl but I'm not sure what about, I didn't listen to the conversation. I was mostly out by the graves, looking for anything around the house to occupy me, or reading those comics Michonne handed me. It wasn't until the middle of the night that anything really happened.
I heard an ear piercing scream, like the one Rylie had made when she woke up two days ago, but only this time, the scream was out of fear.
((IM SO SORRY ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE IVE UPDATED IM SORRY. I just couldn't think if anything to write, so based on the way this is all going, the next few chapters could go a few different ways; really slow, or a bunch of stuff happens... xD lollllll
Anyyywaayyyy, 22.3k READS AND I LOVE YOU ALL. Again, I will try and update ASAP, but I'm not sure when that will be. Life has been a bit stressful at home. So again, I'll try and update soon but not sure when that will be!
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