Random things

I'm really emotional today (ignore it's honestly terrible)

My grandpa broke a promise when he married her. He said that he will not marry again after my grandma died. Him breaking a promise is not what bothered me the most. It was him ignoring his family when they told him that she is bad and he won't get to see his grandkids again. His brother died. I felt like the whole family broke a little more. A month after he married her. I haven't seen my cousins, my aunt, or my uncle in a little over a year. The youngest is 4 this year. She is the only girl other than me out of the 5 cousins. I see pictures of her on facebook. They visit from out of state but I don't get to see them. I constantly think about how much I missed. It breaks my heart of knowing she doesn't know whats going on but at least she is happy. My severely autistic uncle is an afterthought in my grandpa's world now. I've helped take care of him so much he feels more like a brother because I grew up around him. We understand each other like no one else. He can't really speak more like growl and make sounds but I understand like he is speaking like the people around him. He is a not just an uncle, not just like a brother to me, he is also a best friend. My mom is doing the same thing as me trying to keep this family together. We cry every night now. I don't remember the first proper night of sleep since 2016. My grandpa was a father figure to me when my biological father turned his back on my mom before I was born I felt betrayed but now I really just feel disappointed. When I woke up to an argument between my mom and grandpa which lead to him saying "I don't care.". I first thought "what about the cousins?" but then I thought " Was me moving in here to help you take care of my uncle, help with the garden, cook, and clean mean nothing to you? I had so much trouble keeping my grades at A's and I could have just ditched you but I'm better than doing that. I can't believe I looked up to you." She insults my great grandma. His MOTHER and he does nothing about it. My great grandma died in December and she still insults her. He should divorce her but he doesn't. At some points I do hope but then its destroyed. We are still a mess but I hope its gone by the time the youngest is old enough to understand. Everyone tells me it gets better since 2016. When will it get better 2016 was a cluster fuck, 2017 was the shit storm, what next 2018 the bullshit tornado? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so bad at writing tbh.