I Will Follow You

My Tears Are Always Frozen

Dear Jordyn,

All that I can think about when I think about you, is how I let our relationship end so abruptly. I'm sorry I never defended you from those assholes.

I'm stupid, I was so incredibly stupid. I blame all our arguments, all our fights on myself. My insecurities got the best of me, and in the way of our relationship. My insecurities of not being able to do all I thought you needed and deserved.

I left while you at a time where there was still tension between you and me, from the last fight, and honestly, that's okay. What I did was so incredibly fucked up. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I didn't deserve you. I still don't.

I'm sorry.

At least you won't see me around anymore to continue pissing you off.

Sincerely,

The little bitch of your ex.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I was never good at relationships. They all ended by the hands of yours truly.

I guess that's why I crave solitude too much.

I needed a way to build myself back together again. I need to remember how it was to feel whole. To feel alive.

Being out here, in the woods, by the ocean, it's like therapy. Peace and tranquility. I can finally let my mid go blank without any care in the world.

When I first sat alone in front of the ocean, my mind, my thoughts, everything was racing. I'm not going to deny the instant feeling of regret. It took me after the third day to relax. It all finally clicked. I instantly felt as though I was at the right place. That I was at the place was supposed to, even meant to be.  Why in the world was I complaining about my decision of moving away? I should be thanking myself, not telling myself that what I did was stupid.

I was a caged animal, that once I was let out, I was completely terrified. Not anymore. Now, the second someone opened the cage, I ran out, actually enjoying everything in my life once again.

I can't live my life that way anymore.

I no longer have to wake up in the morning, only to remember that they're all gone. I can now wake up, and think about the birds, the tress, what I'm actually going to be doing. The life that I once was, is gone and dead now. That doesn't exist anymore. It's time for the present. The now. To feel free.

I can finally feel how to be alive again.

~ ~ ~

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Song:  Winter Bird by Aurora