The Random Adventures of Cherry & Vanilla

Cherry

 

I sip on my cherry slurpie and stared off into the distance as the newborn in my arms gurgled.

 

So you ask, how did I end up in this situation? Standing in an empty parking lot at three in the morning with a slurpy and a child thats not mine in my arms?

Well fair warning to anyone reading this, it's not very smart to follow your heart.

My heart was yearning for a snack and the seven eleven down the block eased into my mind. So there I go with my flip flops on and the excitement of a early adventure buzzing my body with joy. Soon I was walking around empty parks and car lots while munchin on the remains of my future heart attack inducing snacks when out of the blue I hear a wail. First thing that came into play was No one will hurt an innocent civilian on my watch! And I flew to the screams and groans of pain.

Only to find some chick giving birth under a parking lot light. So I walked over with false confidence because pregnant chicks are scary and I asked Are you alright, ma'am? To which she replied snarky with a Do I fucking look alright to you? I shook my head because my mouth couldn't form a sentence.

So I took a sip of my slurpie and cocked my head to the side curious as to why she, a very pregnant women decided to be outside at three in the morning with no bag, shoes and ripped up clothing. She didn't look homeless though. Her skin was a fair light color no sign of anykind of sunburn. Her nails were perfectly manicured so much that it looked like she never worked a day in her life.

Are you gonna fucking stand there like dumbass or are gonna help me deliver this damn baby? At that I put my slurpie down immediately and hurried over to her. She screamed again and i didn't know what to do. I mean helping someone giving birth is most likely like coaching someone to take a dump, a seven pound dump that falls out your cooter. It couldn't be that hard right?

Wrong. As soon as I lifted her ripped up dress I'm knocked over with the need to puke and kill myself so I could forever avoid the chance of Labour. I hacked up air out of me trying to force my self to puke but a sharp kick to my side forces me back to the task at hand. I mumble an apology and shoved down my nausea and fear to help this mother give birth. She better name this damn kid after me for this.

Her foot pushed against my cheek as she screamed curses at everything that flew through her head. The baby was crowning and the memories of me staying up at three in the morning to scroll down that really weird instagram page filled with random facts. One of them being how to give birth naturally. I knew someday all that so called useless information would help me.

I followed along with the steps that guiding me in my head and many bruises and curses hurled at me later, I sat with a baby in my arms who was wrapped in my favorite sweater.

Congratulations! It's a girl! I tried handing her back her baby but she didn't budge instead she grabbed the baby's hand and kissed it before handing me a piece of paper and running away. And let me tell you, bitch can run.

So here I am....

Once again... Feeling lost but-

Nope dont start singing the Victorious theme song.

I look down at the paper and see a name.

Hazardous Jones

"Tsk poor thing such a horrible name. I feel for him. I'm glad you have a wonderful name, Cherry." I cooed at the baby. She looks too much like a six month and not like a newborn.

Weird. I shrugged and walked to the direction of my house.

So it turns out knocking on your nursing neighbors house after mid night and saying I need your boobs isn't at all a good idea. I rubbed my aching cheek and moved on to the next nursing house but I took a much more hesitant approach.

"Can I use your boobs?" The door slammed on my foot that blocked the way.

"Wait!" I panted out.

"Go away! I knew you were a weird kid! I should've listened to my husband and not have made eye contact with you that one time!" She pushed harder on the door making my huff.

"Look I didn't mean it in a perverse way! My niece was dropped off with no milk and diapers and I knew you were nursing 'Cus the size of your tits!" The door slammed and luckily my foot was out of the way. I slumped and walked off with Cherry in my arms but the sound of the door opening and closing caused me to turn around. There in front the door was a can of dry baby milk and diapers. I smiled but then frowned when I realized I couldnt carry anything else. So naturally my eyes hooked to the little red wagon on the other neighbors lawn.

I set the items in it and walked off with Cherry in my arm towards my home. Time to google That weird name.