College Notes- A Lams Fanfiction (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 9- No Words

This is the song that John was listening to. The lyrics represent how Alex was feeling during the first scene. I was making an animatic to accompany it, but its shit, so no.
The music is "no words" by Dodie Clark (aka, Doddleoddle)
And you will understand what i mean when i say that almost everything in this chapter is angst, no words, and fucking TV.
ANGSTTTTTTT
Alex
He had failed.
Everything he attempted had failed.
There was nothing more he could do.
He had tried his hardest, and John was still closed off.
He did everything possible.
He wrote notes, he wrote letters, he attempted to talk to him during class.
Yet John still found a way to avoid him in the most subtle way possible.
Alex thought that going to the beach with the others would have broken through him.
John had at once even showed a glimmer of pulling though the void he had fallen into,
He would try so hard and strained himself as much as he could to plaster a tinted smile.
And yet, he was still confounded against a solid wall that John had built to seperate all.
He slipped back into the void.
There was no way he could help John, it was impossible.
But he couldn't stand listening to John's sobs through the door one more time.
Alex froze, his body stiffening tightly as he held himself against John's door. He could hear faint sobbing crawling from the other side and sliding underneath the door crack. Alex sighed. This was getting too much. The same routine was stuck into Alex's brain; John would fly through the door, mutter a quick greeting to Alex, who was typing furiously at his desk, then retreat to his bedroom before Alexander could react. John would start to cry after around twenty minutes, causing alex to draw to the outside of John's room, not even daring to knock or erupt the weeping teen. He'd stay crouched at his door, breathing in all of John's sorrows, not knowing how to approach it, not knowing what words to use.
Such excuse Alex now pitied, wondering why he had never tried to console John. Straightening up, Alex gently knocked at the door with a hitched breath. "John?"
The strained sobs stopped abruptly. "Y-yeah?" John's voice cracked with a attempt of keeping control of it.
"Please let me in." Alex pleaded with an unprepared guilt lingering in his tone. After a dealing silence of around thirty seconds, Alex picked up a shaky exhale flooding from inside the room. The door handle twisted with a jolt and the door finally flew open. John stood limply in the doorway with bags weighing down his lifeless and sorrowful eyes, bigger than golf balls and darker than the naked night. The bruising purple colour of his bags were mixed with a pale but rosy colour that also swept from his eyes through his cheeks. John's hair seemed to have kept itself surprisingly neat, with a bunch of curly springs of hair sticking out unevenly. He turned away from Alex and sat back down on his bed as if he was invisible.
Alex sighed and sat down next to John hesitantly, twiddling his thumbs and unsure of what to say.
"John, i..." words that tumbled out of Alex's mouth became even more fainter as he watched tears silently flow out of John's eyes, trickling onto his his lap where his hands sat lifelessly. For once in Alex's life, he had no words. He was at a loss.
Finally composing himself after a brief session of silence, he straightened up again. "John, please talk to me. What's wrong?"
John snapped his head from his downwards, longing fixed stare and gazed at Alex with desperate, broken eyes. Alex noticed that the once shamrock colour around his expanded pupils had been replaced with a dark sage, dull and uneasy.
Finally, a whimper slipped through John's gritted teeth at Alex's words, and failed to choke back a strained sob. Curling into a small ball on the edge of the bed and bringing his knees up to his soaked face, his racking sobs that had turned into routine for every day sounded so casual, yet excruciating to listen to, spilled out of his chest.
Alex stared at John with utter pity and shock, completely distraught and confused. Johns sobs filled the air heavily as Alexander watched John pour out his heart out helplessly. Each tear that John let slip down his freckled face tugged at Alex's heartstrings dreadfully, finally snapping him back into reality.
He gently lifted John's crippled chin from his knees to snatch his attention, then moved towards him with a rush of emotions and wrapped his arms tightly around John's waist and smoothed his hand up the teen's crinkled jacket. John gasped slightly with surprise, then started to wail into Alex's shoulder after a few seconds. Alex shushed him lightly and rocked him back and forth quietly, feeling John's frail, suppressed body pressed limply against his own.
Alex realised suddenly that he had no words to say. All he could do was be there for him and comfort him. Silence overpowered John's sobs and filed through the room like sunlight pouring in a room on a sunny Saturday morning. All that he could hear was his wracking sobs and a slightly muffled voice singing through John's earbuds.
Feeling a warm tear slip down his worn out face, he grasped away from John and faced him. "John, I know you won't tell me what's wrong, but please, please know that I will always be there and help you, okay? You don't have to hide from me."
John nodded hesitantly, looking away from Alex with abashment glowing from his eyes. "I-I'm sorry."
Alex knew that John was holding back from telling something more, but he decided not to push it, as he was proud with the progress that he had made. "It's fine, its okay! Now, how about we go and watch some Disney movies?"
John sniffed and rubbed his eyes with carefreeness, making them even more redder than before. Turning back to Alex, he nodded. "Thanks."
Alex exhaled heavily as John and himself lied comfortably on the modern gray couch, his eyes glued on the screen that was currently screening Tarzan, after previously watching "Beauty and the Beast", and "Mulan". Although Alex's eyes were fixed on the tv screen, his mind was fixed on John's earlier fragile and somewhat deeply broken expression. Alex couldn't bear to think of it more, but the details was engraved into his head, as if his brain studied it in a flash and kept it as a momento.
Looking down at John's delicates crafted face, the puffy outskirts of his eyes had died down, but his face still wore and unreadable expression, as if mixed with tranquility, guilt and despondency. His eyelids started to slump, giving way to Alex as a notification that John was about to fall asleep.
After a brief moment, tiny snores admitted out of John's peach coloured lips, allowing Alex to stare at his angel-like face with no interruption. Alexander slipped his hand under John's waist and entwined himself around John's body. His warm skin brush silently through Alex's, making his stomach do a summer sault and burry his face closer into John.