The Wondrous Unraveling of Doctor Schultz

Monday

"Good morning, Doug!"

That chipper voice could only belong to one person and one person alone.

"Good morning, lamp!"

Ok. Person was a stretch but as far as Doug was concerned a talking lamp was as normal as the sunrise.

"Did you know ice cream will melt if it stays in a temperature above freezing?"

Though talking was common for lamps, intelligence wasn't. Indeed, how could we expect something made from wires and light bulbs to speak in any manner of intelligence? That would surely be foolish of us.

"Did you also know that women are statistically better at preparing food than men? That's why they should remain in the kitchen."

It's sexist attitude however...no excuse for that.

"Don't let the toaster hear you say that," Doug warned.

Indeed. The toaster would not be happy. Nor would Doug's left shoe, the half eaten box of cereal or umbrella stand but they don't have the same fiery passion as the toaster.

Oddly enough, the umbrellas within the stand refused to add their voice to this debate. But that was not the focus of our tale. Poor Doug is still waiting patiently to leave the bed.

"The toaster is living proof of my argument!"

Doug leapt out of bed and quickly threw on some clothes. This would only descend out of control and there would be no reason for him staying.

"I have to go now, lamp. Be good."

"When it comes to shining light into the darkness, I'm always good."

Doug decided that was enough and danced his way into the kitchen.

Though he had never taken ballet in his life, he had watch Black Swan once and figured it would be easy to mimic some of the moves. Before he even stepped a single pointed toe into the kitchen, his hopes and dreams were destroy.

He would never be a ballerina.

And maybe that was ok.

Doug believed that we are all placed on this earth to fill a specific need. Doug's dancing wasn't for the world to see. But somewhere out there, some other little girl's dreams of being a dancer would be complete.

And that made Doug smile.

And on that note, Doctor Douglas B. Schultz dedicated all his success this day to that little girl.

"Fill their hearts with joy," he said in silent prayer.

"You talkin' to me?"

"Just a good luck prayer to all the little girls out there, giant wooden spoon."

"Try 'n' keep that quiet, Doc. You don't need people thinkin' you got the pedophiling fever."

Doug laughed. "You don't have to worry, giant wooden spoon. I meant no harm."

"Morning, Doug! The usual?" The toaster chimed in.

"Lightly brown..." Doug started.

"..So it gets soggy from the butter." They finished together before breaking into laughter.

Doug laughed heartedly while the toaster's laugh had a hint of sadness in it. The toaster deeply loved Doug but couldn't bring itself to say anything. What if it altered their relationship? As wonderful as a yes could be, a no was too devastating. And everyone knows how fragile a toaster's feelings can be.