It happened in a moment and in that moment I was gone. The smoke from the plane filled my lungs and I could taste the dear that was rising from the others faces. None of us expected to see each other ever again, but now, we were all we had.
The night was stale and cold, I didn’t want a bite of it. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking. It played in flashes in my head. He was gone, my only love. Gone. I watched him die. I saw his life strain from his cold dark eyes and all I could say was “goodbye.” I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t react. I was numb. I convinced myself that this was a nightmare, that any minute now I would wake from this. It couldn’t be real.
I felt my shadow mocking me as it followed me everywhere. I was alone. It was my only company. My shadow was just a reminder of how it was. But my past was way too difficult to think about. This was just a constant reminder that it happened.
The five of us were sprawled out across the beach. We still didn’t know each other’s names. We were all unknown faces with untold stories. All we knew was that we’d be spending a lot of time getting to know them.
I looked at them all, one by one. Studying them. We all shared the same look. We were sad, yet hopeful. There were two that stood out to me. I called them ‘the mourners’. A grown man and a young lady were both hunched over a body of a woman. Their eyes were bloodshot, tears leaking out of them like a waterfall. But they were silent. They had lost someone too.
No one had been near the plane since we got here, wherever ‘here’ is. So I decided to be the first.
I saw the seat I sat in. As I past it, I got shivers down my spine. I continued further in and I saw the stewardess who served me. She was lying on the floor mangled. She was not a puzzle that had come undone. I looked to my right. My handbag. It was in a mess. I walked over hoping I’d find something useful inside, but I saw him first. His lifeless eyes were looking into me. My legs turned to jelly and I fell to the ground. I held him in my arms, just like the times before. He felt like stone. He was heavy and breath taking. I looked into his eyes for the last time knowing I’d be the last thing they’d see. I closed them over and my eyes began to cry. I had lost him for good this time.
I left and hoped no one else would enter because it was truly a nightmare in there.
This had become my life and there was no escape. I wanted to join him so we both didn’t have to be alone, I wish I had died in the crash instead of him. He didn’t deserve this. He had more life to live.
I sat on the sand waiting for death to come and find me. I would welcome him kindly as he would take me to my love.
So patiently I wait.
