Love Him Like He's Yours [FPJones] [JugheadJones] [O.F.C]

2012 - Part One

The last time FP Jones stood in his first real home, he was thirty five years old.

Tough times had turned into tougher times and it seemed his luck had run out at last. In order to keep a roof over their heads, any roof, FP had finally found himself having to sell the very first thing he had ever bought new by himself - his original Sunnyside trailer.

Purchased with money saved from his army fund and the cut from his earliest Serpent gigs, the three bedroom doublewide was still in pretty good shape, and situated at the far edge of Sunnyside in the park's family friendly North-facing corner.

With the attached side deck (complete with ramp and built-in picnic table that FP had been proud to build himself) and the raised flower beds, it was one of the nicest lots in the park. It was also the only thing FP could fetch a decent price for. Selling it meant they could transition comfortably into an older, smaller unit and still cover a couple months worth of bills before falling behind again.

It was a decision that he had held off on making for as long as he possibly could. He had worked hard to buy his own place, he hadn't wanted to give that up without a fight. There had been some dark days spent within those walls for sure, but FP couldn't deny that there had also been a few unexpected silver linings and some surprisingly beautiful moments there too.

Gladys and the kids didn't seem to care so long as they had *somewhere* to go after, but when the last night before moving day was upon them, FP had found himself exactly where he always knew he'd be.

Gladys had gathered her and Jellybean's things without a single word or second glance, and Jughead had put up some resistance but only at the thought of having pack and haul boxes. A restless FP would send his son across town to have a game night with Archie, telling him to have a good time with his friend and to not worry about his Dad.

FP knew it was easier that way. It would certainly be easier for him (and the relentless twisting in his chest) to face the end of an era alone. He would finish boxing the remaining odds and ends throughout each room and come to find himself stopped in front of the one door he had tried his best to pass through minimally over the last six years.

At the trailers front end, just off from the living area, was the room that had once belonged to his best friend. Years later, after she had left, his traumatized son would migrate to the painfully vacant space, stake his claim and then never leave.

As he got older and his own memories of Nerys Miller faded away, Jughead wouldn't recognize the hold his aunt continued to have over the space he then considered to be his own. The remains of her personal furnishings were mixed in with his, and for FP to spend any amount of time amongst the pairs eclectic assemblage seemed to cut him straight to his core.

Stepping over the threshold, FP let his dark eyes roam over every square inch of the floor, walls and ceiling of the emptied room, before sitting down in the middle. He remembered the last time the room had been so bare. It'd been before she had moved in.

Even after several years of a Jughead residency, the space still felt like hers to FP.

Alone in the darkness, he found his guilt couldn't withstand the silence and FP forced himself to confess out loud. He spat out the niggling thoughts that had been eating away at his conscience.

"This is the price I pay for letting you leave like that, isn't it? This is what I get for not following you...for not checking in and making sure things were okay!" A single warm tear would run down FP's cheek and chin but he'd leave it there. 

"I never should have let you go off like that! This is on me, I know it is. I gave you that damn jacket because you always had my back...when you needed me, I didn't have yours..."

Every time he closed his eyes, it was like going back in time. He could see her in front of him like it was only yesterday. Vibrant. Full of life. Packing Jughead around everywhere she went, and filling every room with light and laughter.

It seemed as though all the memories of her held within the trailers walls, kept replaying over and over in his mind.

"It's another piece of you gone. I've realized that. It's another step further away from the life we had then...and I know that this is gonna be as close to goodbye as we're ever gonna get."

FP let his body fall back and he curled into a ball on his side. He'd reach into his jacket pocket and pull out the aging lump of familiar grey fabric. He gingerly ran his fingertips across the funny points that decorated the brim and smoothed it out against the floor.

He'd never expected to have it this long. He'd always thought there would be a chance to give it back to her, to apologize and make things right, and surprise her with it once she was home again.

He'd never imagined that she'd never come home. He'd never imagined his last moments with her would be a petty argument he could never take back. He supposed going on to lose the trailer was some kind of karma.

"I'm so sorry, kid. I really am, and you know...I'm gonna miss this place almost as much as I miss you. This was *our* home after all, and now it's gonna be just another memory..."

Haunted by the past and hesitant for the future, FP gently laid his head against the grey lump. Tilting his head down, he'd press his face into the familiar fabric as he mumbled goodbye to his first real home.

FP would then tearfully, and sleeplessly, wait out the night and look on as a tauntingly bright sunrise emerged, signalling the start of a new day.

< To Be Continued >