Suddenly a new life

Chapter 5

Jay POV

"Sergeant Voight. Detective Halstead." Kelly Severide greeted us.

"I heard she was your daughter, Detective," Severide said, "My condolences."

"Did you find Lilly?" I asked, shaken.

At the same moment I felt a painfully piercing feeling in me. No way. This can not be true. This is more like a nightmare. Lilly is too young to die. Stunned, even helpless, I looked into the cool water. Lilly couldn't even swim. How did she get into the river? How couldn't he know it? Lilly has been missing for 24 hours, as long as you did not survive in a cold river.

"She can't swim," I murmured to myself.

"No, but we found her backpack, which means that the child drowned." explained Severide, "Especially since she couldn't swim"

"Watch what you say, Lieutenant. Without a body no dead. The girl can still be alive." Voight exhorted.

"Excuse me Sergeant. You are right," Severide said.

"Just go to your work," I murmured.

I took the backpack, which contained her penguin, a pack of biscuits, a bottle of apple juice, a drawing-block, colored pencils, and five dollars. Of course everything was soaking wet.  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. 

"Do you think Lilly is in the river?" I asked my sergeant when we went back on the road to the District.

"Do you think so?" Voight asked.

"I don't know. I don't know anything. I mean I lost a child in record time." I replied.

"There can be a thousand reasons why the backpack lay in the river. We should just believe that Lilly is safe,"

Back at the police station, I was greeted by Erin with a hug.

"Jay. We'll find Lilly." Erin whispered in my ear and I nodded.

Voight informed the rest of the team about the urgency of the situation "What we know is that the backpack was found in the Chicago River. We don't know how it got there, or where Lilly is. Ask your informants again. A second night in the cold can go bad for her."

CPDCPDCPD

At home I sat desperately with a beer in my hand in the kitchen, where I stared at the painted picture of the three of us at the refrigerator. I had taken it out of her drawing block and attached it to the door with magnets.

"Is there any news?" Will asked gently and sat down beside me.

"Her backpack was found in the water." I said sadly.

"Oh no. That's awful," Will said beating, "How are you doing?"

"Crappy." I replied and I took a beer out of the box, "I miss her."

"Not only you," Will said.

"Lilly is perhaps long dead." I mumbled hopelessly.

"Don't say that Jay." 

"It's my fault that she's gone." I said. Suddenly the sadness prevailed. I let my emotions run wild. This was unusual for me. Mostly I can pull myself together well. But this time I have failed. I have not protected my own child. My own child may be dead. I'm not ready to bury my daughter. In all these years, I thought my father was the worst. But I was not a piece better.

"Jay. Stop it. You have done nothing wrong. You couldn't know Lilly was listening to the phone call." he consoled me.

"I should not have been allowed to make such a loud phone call." I said.

"Jay. Please don't blame you. You had all right to confront Abby. Her behavior was not correct. Abby should have said the truth from the beginning." Will said.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Lilly is gone and I'm the worst father ever." I said.

"No you are not. Our dad earned the title, but not you. We have to be optimistic." 

"I think the worst thing that can happen to you is the uncertainty of where your own child is. At the river I thought, 'Oh God my child is dead' and that was a painful feeling. Not knowing what happened and where she is, is a feeling that tears you," I said.

"Okay, Jay. I understand. How much beer did you drink?" Will asked and I pointed to the empty box.

"Stop drinking. Become sober  and bring your child home. Right now!" 

I nodded and we finally gave ourselves a brotherly hug before I swayed to my bed.

CPDCPDCPD

The next day, a Saturday, I was the first in the office. Although I had very strong headaches. Lilly isn't dead. She is alive. I just know it - father instinct. Everything else would make no sense. As Voight already said, there can be a thousand reasons why the backpack was in the river.

"How do you feel?" Erin asked softly.

"I don't know," I said, "I just want my daughter back."

"She is a great girl. And she looks very much like you – Jay." Erin said

"Yeah." I said.

The team discussed the further search operations when Antonio stormed up the stairs.

"A source claims to have seen Lilly. She was in the company of a young woman called Madison Turner. At the East Side of Chicago." Antonio said.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"In the area there are not many surveillance cameras." Atwater said.

"Madison Turner, 19 years old. An outlier, who was arrested last year for illegal drugs. No permanent home," Ruzek informed us.

"I want the area to be searched with sniffer dogs. Come on lets go. The child was long enough outside." Voight said.

Atwater with Ruzek, Al with Voight and me with Erin. We drove up and down the streets. Nothing. Neither Lilly nor these Madison we sighted.

Through the police radio we heard an interesting message: "Residents report a dead person 82nd Street."

I shocked.

"That doesn't mean anything," she muttered.

Erin knew what I was getting at. Lilly.

In the area there were many empty houses and side streets. Everything was very down.

"It's Madison Turner," Atwater said

I approached the body of the young woman. She had long curly blond hair and looked like a typical 19 year old woman. She was murdered. Several shots in the chest  and a head shot.

With 2 fingers I feel the body temperature. "Her body is still warm." I said.

At these external temperatures the murder was not long ago.

"The murderer is probably still nearby." Al said.

"What if Lilly was there? When it happened? Ruzek asked.

"Then we have to hope that Lilly is safe." Al said.

"Searches the area. Nobody goes until we find the child. " Voight said.