Hurt by her past

A new beginning

Here I stand, at the entrace of the closest horse stable I could find near where I've just moved. I've come from almost the other side of the world — Finland — to the United States of America, more precisely New York, taking only my most essential things with me — my horse and my dog. Of course my car, too, but it was transported a few days before my own arrival.

I sigh, pulling up the collar of my jacket. Not that I was cold, for Finland was good 20 Celsius degrees cooler. I walked up to my horse's pasture. I hear my beauteous mare greet me with a low voice as I approach her gently. "Hey darling! It's new isn't it? I know, things will get easier on you in no time at all, just you see!" I talk to her as I scratch her forehead. She lowers her head pleading for more. I open the gate to her pasture and close it behind me before I put a halter on her. She seems calm enough for me to go and ride. Otherwise I'd have done some groundwork and lunging.

We calmly walk towards the place where I can brush and tack up my horse. I tie her up and give a good scratch on her shoulder. "It's good, isn't it?" I ask and giggle at my horse, who stretches her upper lip and leans her head to the side. Since I was a teenager, this horse was the one to make me smile, to feel proud and happy. I had promised myself whatever happened I'd keep her happy and that with me she's with her last human. She was a tortured being, we rescued each other in a way, we found trust in despair.

I snap out of my thoughts as I go and get the brushes. As I get close to my horse again I see two people approach. They're far but I can tell they're guys. "Shit" I curse under my breath as I pull my collar higher again and pull the zipper up to where it starts to be really uncomfortable, painful even. I don't want people asking me about my past. I'd just keep it to myself for as long as I possibly can, before fleeing again, most likely.

The young looking men approach me. They look really alike, I doubt they're brothers, twins even. The one on the left has just a little softer features as the other one looks quite tough, fierce even.

"Hey! So you're the newcomer here?" I hear the guy on the left ask. "Yeah, that's me", I answer nodding a little, drifting my gaze lower. I suddenly feel so very lost. Not that the feeling was new to me, but right now it had a whole new contrast to it. "I'm Matt and this here is my brother Daryl. This place is owned by our uncle and sometimes we help him out here", Matt introduces. I raise my head a little. "It's a pleasure", I manage to say and fake a little smile on the corner of my lips. It must have looked crooked, scary even. I'm not the type to smile so often. I find it intimidating to be around people, thanks to my past.

Once again I pull up the collar of my jacket and then start brushing my horse. "So this must be Glory?" Matt asks. For the fuck's sake, he never stops talking! "Yeah", I mumble, stroking my horse's face and laying a delicate kiss on her muzzle. I continue brushing her as she leans to one side, relaxing her other hind leg. It's a warm day so she's quite relaxed. "So you've come all the way from Finland?" I hear the other twin ask. I feel a sting in my heart when he mentions my home country. That's when I drop the brush to the ground. I feel weak. "Myeah..." I manage to mumble. As elegantly as I can, I lean towards my horse to keep myself from collapsing. For all those painful, disdainful memories, as also for the missing for my country's precious beauty... My paradise as well as the hell on Earth.

I notice the twins are watching me a little weirdly as they discovered my lack of enthusiasm to keep up any kind of conversation. I'm boiling hot in my rather thin but still warm padded vest and a long-sleeved shirt. No way I was going to take the vest off.

"We'd better off start mucking the stalls", Matt says, snapping me out of my daydreams. "Yeah, have fun", I say faking a smirk as I go and fetch my saddle and my starwheel bitless bridle. I lay the tack on the ground for a while as I fetch my earplug headphones and start listening to some music. Then I start to tack up my horse.

Once ready I walk towards a mounting block and mount my horse. We start heading towards the path which leads to a riding arena. At least it should be a little more shadowy and thus a little cooler.

We walk peacefully, some girls walk past and I feel all eyes on me. Great, just great. Not so long after, we reach the ride hall and enter it.

Once warmed up I ask my horse for some trot. She obediently starts picking pace and snorts relaxedly as stretching her neck downwards. "Good girl", I say giving her a quick scratch before collecting the reins. She starts working more from her hind legs as she collects herself a little. I'm so proud of this horse. She has always everything to please me as she noticed she could trust me. I couldn't bear to think that one day she might not be by my side anymore. For seven years she has been my only comfort.

I sit down the trot and do some half-passes as I hear the twins enter the riding hall. I see Daryl gazing me as I focus on the way I sit. Lucky my horse's trot is quite easy to sit on. One of the reasons to love Finn horses!

I halt my horse a little and she slows down to walk as i give her free reins. She snorts and stretches her steps. Soft and steady voice of her bare hooves relax me and I feel above it all.

I've walked a few rounds and start collecting the reins again. This time my horse takes my cue a little too enthusiastically. "Woah there, easy does it", I mumble sitting a little more steady in the saddle, adjusting my stirrups better on my toes. I gently press my legs around my horse's ribs and she picks up a canter. I'm sweating under my vest but I don't care. I let the lovely canter of my horse to take my mind off it. I give her a little squeeze on ribs and a small voice cue and she picks up some speed. I gallop past the twins smirking stupidly.

After cantering to both sides and doing some cool-downs I get off my horse and take off her saddle. She is a little sweaty underneath the saddle pad, behind her shoulders and hind legs. "You were good!" I hear Matt saying, enthusiasm in his voice. Earth to Anastasia again, it seems. "Thanks", I say, smiling a little. Shit! I shan't lower mu guard so much, for it'll only cause me to get hurt.

On the corner of my eyes I see Daryl holding his gaze on me. Instinctively I pull the collar up again. "I can take the saddle so you don't have to carry it yourself", Matt offers. This time I have a real smile screwed on my face. Maybe they're not that bad after all. Bad or not, they still won't get me to like smiling. "Thanks, very nice of you", I say. I walk my horse towards a mounting block to get back up without a saddle. That's when Daryl approaches, smiling. "Let me help you back up", he says holding out his hand to me. I nod as I take a few strands of my horse's mane between my fingers. Daryl gently supports my leg as I get on my horse again. I give my horse a good scratch and nod at Daryl as to thank him for his help. I thought he had a little troubled look on his face for a few seconds but I could be mistaken.

As I've finished taking care of my horse I head towards my car to get some carrots for her. "There you go, girl", I say handing her the sweet treats. I give her a light peck on the cheek before walking her back to her pasture. After all, this day seemed to be a good start for my new life as a runaway...

I get in my car and start the engine enjoying its soft purring. Not only do I have a passion for animals, but also cars. And music, especially metal music. That part I also had to leave behind. I sigh before shifting the gear on and heading towards my nee home where my dog is waiting for me. I wave to the twins as I drive off accelerating a little.

Once at home, Nemo, my dog, enthusiastically greets be by howling and jumping on me. "Hey, love! Missed me?" I ask and get a few good licks on my face. I laugh a little. What a dog!

I take him on a leash to go on a short stroll. I'm drained out of energy so I'd love to make everything as quick as possible. In moments like these I almost feel normal...almost.